Recently in Irish farming Category

My brother-in-law, who sends me humorous e-mails on an almost daily basis, (though most of them unprintable), has forwaded me the following anecdote:

A man owned a small farm in Ireland. The Inland Revenue claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him €200 a week, plus free room and board.'

'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her €150 per week plus free room and board.'

'Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about €10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied the farmer...

If ever there was a contender for Private Eye's "Muckspreader" column, this has to be it!

It has emerged that the EU is facing a massive increase in sugar production this season, as warm wet conditions have led to a bumper crop. Producer body CIBE reckons the EU as a whole will have a sugar surplus of around 2.4m tonnes.

This is way in excess of the 1.37m tonnes it is allowed to export under the terms of a WTO ruling reached in 2004.

That was based on a complaint by Australia, Brazil and Thailand which had argued that the EU was "dumping" its surpluses on the world market.

But that was in the days when world prices were way below EU levels. The situation is very different today, with the global shortage of sugar leading to a doubling in prices in just 12 months.

The response suggested by CIBE is for the EU to increase the export ceiling for 2010, so that, instead of having to stockpile about 1m tonnes of surplus sugar, processors can sell it to the world market and help relieve the global shortage...

Whatever happened to the luck of the Irish?

As an Englishman used to the cruelty of international football, I could share the pain the Irish felt on Wednesday as the previously respected Frenchie, Thierry Henry, picked the ball up and practically threw it into the net.

It brought back painful memories of that short-arsed Argentinean punching the ball into the England goal in 1986, and that looping deflection from a German free kick that cleared Peter Shilton's despairing hand four years later.

And as for that dodgy Brazilian cross that found its way past David Seaman in 2002 and the Beckham penalty that cleared the stands in Portugal - need I go on?

But it's not just football where the luck of the Irish has gone walkabout - farming too it seems has lost its guardian angel....

Good to see dairy sector leaders singing from the same hymn sheet - not!

This week saw the second meeting of the EU Commission's new High Level Dairy Group, set up in the wake of the recent milk strikes in Europe and charged with the job of reducing market volatility and improving transparency.

In particular, the group has been asked to consider things like contractual relations between suppliers and buyers, market support instruments and a possible futures market for dairy products.

A statement from NFU dairy board chairman, Gwyn Jones, after the HLG meeting said the key to resolving some of the challenges facing milk producers was better contracts.

The HLG offered a "unique opportunity" to develop a code of practice for milk contracts, he said, "potentially providing a basic legal framework to protect the interests of producers"...

Tesco, it seems, has fewer admirers in the Irish farming community than it does in the British - and it's easy to understand why.

For Ireland's leading retailer has today (Tuesday 5 May) slashed prices in 11 stores in the Republic by a massive 22%, in a bid to stop consumers crossing the border into Northern Ireland to do their shopping.

There has been something of an exodus in recent months, as the slump in sterling and the cut in VAT to 15% have made shopping in the province very cost effective.

Tesco has lost out in this trend, as it does not have as strong a position north of the border as its rivals Sainsbury's and Asda.

A statement from Tesco Ireland's chief executive Tony Keohane said the price cuts in 11 Tesco stores just south of the border - which include milk, meat and vegetables - would "remove the need for consumers to travel".

It is understood that some of these price cuts have been funded by importing more products direct from the UK, taking advantage of the currency differential.

Tesco has also promised that the reductions will be extended to the whole of Ireland. For example, milk is being cut by 7% this week in all its Irish stores, fresh meat by an average 16% and poultry by an average 24%....