Following the highly successful auction of pieces by Damien Hirst at Sotheby's which grossed over £70m in one day, including more than £10m for a dead calf, I have decided to auction a few of my own artistic creations. With luck they will attract the attention of underbidders at the Hirst event and the income generated will go part way towards paying for next years nitrogen fertiliser.
The first piece is the carcass of a dead pigeon preserved in red diesel fuel. It was the first casualty to be found attacking this years rape crops and was shot by me on Sept 14th with a twelve bore and a 28gm number 6 cartridge. It is entitled "Gottcha you b......".
The second piece on offer is a plaster cast of a rut in one of our harvest fields featuring the tread of a rare Michelin tyre and the unmistakable marks made by really sad stubble and a few sprouted grains, the whole decorated in a sticky dirty yellowy brown. I have named it "2008- a harvest to hate."
And the third item on offer during this unusual opportunity to acquire contemporary art of great distinction is a piece of genuine dung produced by a pedigree Friesian of my close acquaintance, moulded into an artistic shape and presented in a sealed surround of transparent plastic. I call it "Norfolk Bull sh-one-t".
I think you will find these items of peculiar and topical interest and irresistable. There will be a reserve price on each of £1m.
What am I bid?
Comments (5)
I will give you £10 for the lot David. In a few years time 'an early Richardson' could be worth a fortune.
Posted by tim relf | September 17, 2008 4:17 PM
Posted on September 17, 2008 16:17
Nice try Tim. But you must understand I don't get out of bed for less than half a million.
Posted by David Richardson | September 17, 2008 5:20 PM
Posted on September 17, 2008 17:20
If the dairy farmers follow your lead, the market for calves in formaldehyde could soon be flooded with some of the 3000 calves shot each week.
Posted by Eamonn Harris | September 18, 2008 11:03 AM
Posted on September 18, 2008 11:03
How about I swap you the pigeon for one of my creations? I call it 'Untidy Desk Drawer'. It's of the same vein as Tracy Emin's 'Unmade Bed', but involves a stapler, a Sainsbury's carrier bag and a box of Nurofen.
Posted by Caroline Stocks | September 18, 2008 11:10 AM
Posted on September 18, 2008 11:10
David,
Sorry - but I think you're wasting your time. I never did sell my 1985 exhibit "Panda barley so flat on wet land that it had to be mown to fluff it up to get it in the combine!"
Andrew
Posted by Andrew Blake | September 18, 2008 11:29 AM
Posted on September 18, 2008 11:29