Mouth of the Wash

This is a blog post for fertiliser nerds only.  Later on this morning am going to a Syngenta technical update about Nemathorin.  If you are really well-behaved then I might write a post for Potato Cyst Nematode nerds a bit later.

Yesterday I was pondering over potato fertiliser rates.

Our soil indexes for Phosphate and Potash are solid 3's and 4's.  Most of our potato crops are following at least one crop of brassicas and, since we have had exceptionally dry weather, it stands to reason that the levels of soil Nitrogen will possibly be high and at least 1.

This makes fertiliser maths quite complicated.  I want to keep our costs as low as possible and I have a strong moral objection to using more fertiliser than a crop absolutely needs.  Nitrous oxide emissions and the leaching of phosphate and nitrate into watercourses are pollutants which cost farmers money.  There is nothing to be gained from over-using N and P.

I consider it terribly mealy-mouthed when people say "on the other hand" but, "on the other hand," it is foolish to go to all of the trouble, cost and diesel use of producing an area of potatoes and then losing yield because you have under-fed it.  In theory we need very little fertiliser to grow a good crop but my experience dictates that this would be a foolish omission to make.

For all of the great advice that is offered, fertiliser recommendations are not a perfect science.  We often use more inputs than a crop theoretically requires; this is because the cost of a crop failure always outweighs a small saving in production costs.

I am going to draw up two recommendations for our potato crops.  I will personalise them by giving each one a name.  I'm calling one "Bells and Whistles" and the other one "Ebenezer."

When I get time I will put them both up on here and we can do a vote on it.

As you know, I've never been one to go on about a subject.  I've hardly mentioned my new-found fitness and hot physique at all.  

I understand that the chattering classes are talking about how it would be possible to bounce a pebble off my buttocks.  Others have remarked that my calf muscles look like Wagyu steaks.  People will talk.  Try as I might, I can't stop these comments.  If it continues, I could report the matter to the Leveson inquiry.  As it is, I try to take it in my stride.

Obviously I would prefer to keep quiet about my accomplishments.  No one wants to sound boastful or intimidating.

OK, sure I can do this

But, it would be embarrassing if I kept going on about it.

The only reason that I mention it; Lord knows, I really didn't want to, is that, coincidentally, this post also happens to be about an extraordinary piece of meat.

If you've got 250 000 euros going spare then you can now treat yourself to a beefburger grown in a petri dish.  This is the anticipated cost of a project by Mark Post, a vascular biologist at Maastricht University, to produce synthetic meat.

He is doing research where stem cells from "animal material" (we won't ask to many questions about what "animal material" is, perhaps) are fed with sugars, amino acids and stuff like that until they produce pale, whitish, muscle-like strips which are an inch long and so thin that they are almost see-through.

"Yummy", I hear you say. To which I reply

"Stop looking at the photo and concentrate on the stuff about the stem cells, please."

This is a brave frontier.  It could change the World in an unimaginably radical way.

I did a bit of reading up on the subject and the idea of synthetic meats is not a new one.  I found the article below which was written by Winston Churchill before WWII and at a time when science was at its most innovative.  He predicted the possibility of synthetic food along with some other prescient ideas about how life would look on planet Earth in the 1980's.

I selected the most relevant passage and it is well worth reading in full.  We hadn't got quite as far as Churchill predicted we would be 1980.  This is a painful reminder of the devastating cost of WWII to humankind.  Who knows where we might have got to in terms of food science, green transport and space exploration without it.

Churchill's 1980's prediction also failed to anticipate the rise of Duran Duran or the movie Dirty Dancin' so he can't afford to be too pleased with himself.

Last night I went to a drinks party to mark the semi-retirement of our valuer, John Allen (FRICS, FAAV etc, etc etc).  He is going to be gradually winding-down after nearly 50 years as a land agent, auctioneer and partner with Longstaff and Co.   It is a testament to John's character (and enormous likeability) that he can hold a party on the same night as our local NFU AGM and get a full attendance. 

I found the night strangely moving.  John has been doing our annual stocktaking valuation for more years than I can remember and has been an important source of advice and counsel to my grandfather, father and, latterly, to me.  It is sobering to think that when John started in his current role, my grandfather was the same age that I am now. 

John memorably banged the gavel at the farm sale where, as a younger man, I bought a 30ft Herbert potato grader on impulse.  He helped when I had to sheepishly break the news to my father about how much I had spent that day.  He has helped to broker negotiations in all of our main land aquisitions.  I hope that we can semi-utilise his experience for a good while yet.

The guests' ages at the party ranged from 30 and 90 and John has also worked with three generations of the Longstaff family.  His successor, and our new valuer, will be Robbie Longstaff. This is perfect example of how neatly and gently the transition of power and duty is managed in rural businesses. 

I came away with a profound sense of the smooth, unending way that time passes in a farming community.  Farmers spend their days believing that, individually, they have a critical role to play in the preservation of the countryside.  Ultimately there is a gentle and soothing rhythm to the way that rural life rumbles on.

I am home again after a blissful ten day break.  My body, with a tan and after thirty hours of yoga, looks and feels ten years younger.  My brain, however, is still all over the place.

My bodyclock has reacted badly to the journey home and, since I am forcing myself to stay in bed until 5am and to not go to bed until 9pm, I look exhausted and wide-eyed. The bewildered face and ripped, bronze, torso are completely at odds with one another.  I'm like a sexy zombie. Or a heroin-addicted underwear model.

I spent ten days without a telephone, email, Twitter and news.  This is what we fashionistas call (and this is the blog than brought the word "Chillax" into mainstream parlance, remember) a Digital Detox.

After the simplicity of an island life, I am now struggling to step back into the complexity of my daily routine.  It is very healthy to come back with an open mind and to re-assess your priorities but it takes a little adjustment.  I am seeing the farm in a completely new light.

Anyway.  I have a stack of phtos to share with you over the next few days and might upload a few after I've listened to Farming Today and eaten my porridge.

See you in a fortnight

ELS application. Done.

With the kind help of Niki from the RSPB, we were able to renew our Stewardship agreement in less than two hours yesterday (which included two cups of coffee and a Kitkat).  We have spiced it up a bit by cutting down on field margins and adding managed Winter food crops, nesting habitats and pollen and nectar crops. 

We learned a lot during the first five years of ELS; we became familiar with sparing land for conservation, we protected watercourses, we reduced the fertility of the uncropped areas and we began to measure the wildlife on the farm.  We will be able to build on this dramatically now and I can't wait to see the impact on bird numbers in five years time.

Policy makers are very impatient about the pace at which these schemes deliver change.  Business cultures are not changed in a few months.  If our farm is any barometer of national farmer behaviour then there is much to positive about.

On another amusing note.  We had our ELS features measured for a second time by the RPA in November.  It took several days to complete the surveying.  Today we received the results; we were 134 points short on some of the features but we had 100 too many on others.  The upshot is that we will have £69 deducted from our payment.  This took four visits and goodness knows how many days to calculate.