Anglia TV

this sort of thing is meat and drink to an old ham like me. I can reliably be wheeled out to make a total chump of myself in front of anything shaped even vaguely like a camera.

Clearly yesterday was a quiet one in the regional newsrooms. The wet weather was the lead item on the 6.00pm news programme.

We stood by a very wet tramline in a potato field near to the A17 main road with the satellite van parked in a layby. The heavens opened just before we went live. Kate, the reporter, didn't want to share my umbrella. I kept it up anyway even though it made me look like a bit of a prince (and they say the camera never lies). When I'm wet, my hair looks even thinner and my face looks even redder. These are two of the three reasons that stopped me from being a professional swimmer.

Anyway back to the filming. I was pysching myself up for the first question which was going to be something like, "How is the weather affecting you?"

I have got this awful habit of imagining the worst thing that I could do in any situation. In the moments before the camera started I couldn't stop wondering what would happen if I replied "It's been a bit of a F!£&@* me old booty." Probably a very hasty "Err, back to the studio."

Just as the camera started rolling a really old BMW went past with a bunch of blokes in it. They wound the windows down and shouted "WHOY YOY YOY" at the top of their voices. I was completely thrown by this heckle and I can't remember anything that I said.

No one I know saw the broadcast last night. If any imaginary readers were watching the Anglia news programme last night at 6.00pm, could you please reassure me that I did't actually say "It's been a bit of a F!£&@* me old booty." Thank you