I'll tell you what.  I don't share the population's admiration of the "Dragons".  I hadn't heard of a single one of them before that programme started and I read the business press and everything.  They have gained all of their profile through the programme rather than business.   Most of the products "pitched" on the programme are only sucessful because they have received prime time publicity.

It demonstrates the power of the media; in Britain anything will succeed if it is given enough exposure.  Exhibit A, your honour, Jade Goody.  But the BBC is funded by taxpayers.  It is not supposed to advertise anything.  Pensioners have to save up to pay for this stuff (OK I don't know how much, I pay by DD.  I guess a licence is £130 is it?).  They should not have to contribute to the promotion of these turds. 

I love the BBC, but it will be lost if no one protects its integrity; this programme is hosted by a presenter of the flagship Today programme, for goodness sake.

No one agrees with me, of course, everyone seems to worship Duncan Bananatime and Theo Pahfaeces.  They will all be given knighthoods next for services to capitalism and cucumber caps.

The bit that really irks me is that none of theses so called entrepreneurs produces anything.  They have all amassed their fortunes in "service industry."  If they are shown a half-decent product they ask why it isn't being manufactured in the Far East by cheap staff.  They should be hate figures not heroes.

And don't get me started on Reggae Reggae sauce 

We always kept dogs throughout my childhood and my grandfather was a labrador breeder.  Although I like dogs, my overwhelming memory is of smelly cars, barking and dog mess.  Oh and things getting nagged to bits.  I always have to explore the negatives side of a proposition first.

It's very straight-forward without pets.  I haven't stood in a dog turd for years, although this may be the fact that I look where I'm going now.  In fact standing in dog poos was quite a eighties thing, you never hear as much about it these days. 

I also like to travel about in the winter and a pet can be a tie.  Our last pet at home was a peach-faced love bird called Keith.  He arrived in the garden in the early nineties.  Keith was quite remarkable - so remarkable that he once layed an egg.  Anyway even Keith proved too much.  Mum gave him away when me and my sister left home although I heard the other day that he's still alive. 

The other thing that I worry about with pets for single people is that they can become a substitute for human companionship.  (You already know how I hate people dressing animals up and pretending that they are human beings.)  I feel as though getting a pet would be an admission that I am incapable of sharing my life with anything less choosy than a dog (and dogs are notoriously unchoosy). 

Oh and my final "con" in the pros and cons, is that it is quite a long-term commitment.

So that's the why nots covered.  The why is simply "I want one."

So what sort of dog do you go for?  I couldn't have anything too big.  If you are going to have a Great Dane you might as well go the whole hog and keep a bullock in the house.  I wouldn't want anything bigger than a springer spaniel.

It mustn't be too poncey either.

At the moment it is a choice between a Norfolk terrier

Or a Cairn

I've been a bit put off by the pictures on the internet that show you inside the world of dog love.

Things like this

And this

Sadly since this photograph was taken, the woman in the picture was killed..... by the poodle.

Look.  I've just seen this in the Telegraph.  This is believed to be Britain's oldest joke.  It's Ango Saxon.

"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?' Answer: A key."

WHAT?  Am I reading this right?  Is the first recorded use of humour a knob gag?

It is a bold aim to work towards a global community and successful negotiations would have been good news.  Eventually it will be successful of course and we will wonder what the fuss was about.  It may not happen any time soon.

(The DOHA round of the WTO, Matthew?  A bit serious isn't it?  I know, curiously my mentor, DR, and I appear to have swapped roles for the day)

The world has changed a lot in the last seven years.  China and India are wealthier and have a stronger hand than when the process started. 

Farm subsidies in developed countries seemed unacceptable a few years ago.  Now, with the prospect of food shortages, perhaps national governments are less willing to discard their productive capacity. 

I've always found it a bit curious that within these negotiations Europe's corner was being fought by Peter Mandelson.   His position is very different from the protectionist countries within Europe. 

When I was in Brussels a couple of months ago, I was suprised by how universally disliked Mandelson seemed to be.  Most of the comments about him were largely personal (often homophobic) so I paid them little regard.  This said, I can't think of a character with less desire for a profitable British Agricultural Industry than Mandy.  I'm all for free trade but what the hell is he proposing that we sell in exchange for food?  Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals for Christ's sake?  We don't produce anything anymore.

The matter is possibly too complex for a gibbon like me to comment on.  I don't disagree that the solution to helping poor nations is to help them to develop their infrastructure and to engage them in trade.  In a world where fuel is increasingly valuable, I'm not convinced that it has to be food that is traded.

I am hoping to go to Africa later in the year to report back on the FARMAfrica appeal.  Rising food prices have pushed millions more people there into poverty and hunger.  The world surely has a duty to share its wealth by whatever means to alleviate suffering.

There is a deep irony here of course.  Amidst the desperation in Africa is the world's most successful cut flower industry.  Competition from Kenya and Africa has brought the English flower industry to the brink of destruction.  

I could go round in circles on this.  Let's face it if I can't make my mind up, there's little bloody chance of 153 countries agreeing on it. 

It was an intelligent analysis of food inflation presented by Tom Heap.  I heard Tom speak at the Oxford Farming Conference a few years ago.  He is a very balanced and well-informed countryside reporter and it is a shame that the BBC don't use him more frequently.

This means oil prices could drop quite a bit.  Certainly wheat prices have dropped a whole lot already.

For all the hyperbole about demand from Asia and climate change, consumption hasn't altered that remarkably in commodities in the last twelve months.  On top of this there will inevitably be a supply response from producers.  Certainly farmers are striving to maximise production (and consequently reduce prices again) 

The real reason that prices have escalated are all the speculators and investors in the city who have artificially stimulated demand.  Millions of people in the world have been forced into poverty and hunger by rising food prices on the back of it.

For the first time in my life I am struck by the severe human impact of those tosspots in the city and the recent displacement of wealth makes me feel sick.

We are quite lucky to have Lincs FM.  Unlike many local stations, it is independent so it really focuses its efforts on local listeners and advertisers.  Sally puts together a really good programme each week and you can listen to her podcast here.

We had a natter about what was going on on the farm here and then about the Pure Tilth podcast (there is a new episode going up this week by the way).

Anyway.  I had a little while on a tractor and trailer carting daffodil bulbs today so, since she was coming, I decided to have a listen to Lincs FM.  I remembered why I don't listen to much local radio.

There was a phone in asking listeners "What would be your ideal job?"  A female caller said that her dream job would be as back scrubber to Marti Pellow.  MARTI PELLOW???? For Christ's sake.  Livin' in the Eighties or what.  Get in the here and now, woman.  Update your fantasy bathee please.

Nothing else to report today I'm afraid

I must have told you this already but we have started growing some gladioli this year.

Some people think they are naff...   

It's a little eco home.  You can check out the website here.

The hippy half of me (it's a fairly repressed portion of my personality.  OK, "personality") would love to live in one of these, like a little Fen Teletubby.  I could stick it in the middle of a delphinium field.

It's the capitalist half of me that knows I need to have a home made of concrete.  He would insist on a eco garage at the side to park the Bentley Continental GT in.  Does everyone have this split personality?  A simple core contained within the hard shell that you need to survive on the planet in the 21st century.

It would only be possible to live a simple life if you were able to live in a completely secure and self-sufficient community.

As we strive to make our farm more self-sufficient and bio-diverse, the idea of creating a "Shire" and only allowing in fellow hobbits seems increasingly attractive and possible.

Wasn't that picture of Guy Smith in full pearly regalia authentic-looking?  Now you can see how skilled the picture department are with their Photoshop software.  This explains how they make the paunch, baldness and red face look so convincing in the picture that accompanies my column.

Anyway.  Today I am in a good mood.  We are finally completing the landscaping at the front of the farmyard.  We think we have finally worked out how to handle gladioli in the packhouse.  We are finally in control of Project X (still can't talk about it, sorry).  We have finally broken the back of the daffodil bulb harvest.  And most importantly I have managed to cook the perfect potato rosti tonight.

I love having friends over for dinner.  It's a good excuse to get away from work at a sensible time.  Tonight was quite an impromptu dinner but I had been toying with the rosti idea all week and had been doing reconnaissance.  When I discussed rosti cooking with Liz on Thursday she said

"Matthew, you MUST get all the water out of them.  I cannot stress that enough."  So after I grated them I put the bloomin' things in a teatowel and squeezed them until there was water pouring out of teatowel and forehead. 

Excellent rostis if I say so myself.  Sirloin steak, home-grown salad, asparagus and (this is a particularly pretentious touch) horseradish croutons. 

I know that sometimes the desperation shows through in the topics here but I have never previously had to stoop as low as telling you what I have eaten for my dinner.  I promise this is a one off.  Those rostis were a bloomin' triumph.

I thought that cold-calling salesmen were a dying breed but the weather seemed to bring them out.

This must be quite a difficult job.  It's a bit embarrassing to have to do all the sales thing.  We had one yesterday who was really over-excited about what he was selling.  He was in the office and was waving his arms around and spitting when he talked (say it don't spray it, please).  I was tempted to throw a glass of water at him or slap his face to get him to calm down.

Anyway.  I had another chap ring up in the afternoon who was trying to sell me something.  I said I wasn't interested at the moment - I was too polite (or weak) to say that I never would be. 

"You'd better take my number down" he said

"Oh no that's OK" I said.

"No. Take it down" he insisted.  He was one of those bossy, know-all types.

So I pretended to write it down as he said it.

"07863"

"07963, yeh" I said

I then repeated the number as he said it as though I was writing it a bit at a time.

"OK he said.  Read it back to me to check that you've got it down right." 

I hadn't got a clue what it was. 

"What was that? It's not a very good line."

"Read it back to me to check that you've got it down right" he said perfectly clearly.

"No sorry, I can't hear anything. I'll just... " Click