I've been called a lot of things in my time, but never a "plinter" before.
That's what am I now, though. I received an email this morning which began: "Dear Plinther..." I've applied, you see, for a place on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square in London.
The project is the brainchild of sculptor Antony Gormley who wants to create an "astonishing living monument" and he's asking members of the public to occupy the empty fourth plinth, a space normally reserved for statues of kings and generals, for a short time.
My plan, if I get my 15 minutes of fame (actually, if your application's successful you get an hour) is to do something to try to raise the profile of British farming.
Gormley, whose most famous work is the beautiful Angel of the North, reckons the selected punters will become "an image of themselves, and a representation of the whole of humanity."
Translated from arty speak into English, that basically means that every hour, 24 hours a day, for 100 days, a different person is making the plinth their own.
The selected people can use their time on the plinth as they see fit (presumably within reason). Hence my plan to bang the drum for British farming and food.
I've been entered into the draw. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Sounds like you've got too much time on your hands my boy!