This is the story of my operation to have new knees
I kept an eye on the papers in case a surgeon from Stafford hospital had been relegated to Knackers mans assistant.
In our late teens when as lads, like lads do, you act a bit macho, feel strong as an "ox" , and on looking back the men working on the farm took advantage and would egg us on to carry things three or four times what you are allowed to now a days. When the threshing set came the grain had to be carried fifty or so yard, and up some brick steps into the loft to store ready for crushing through the plate mill to be fed to the cows. They would fill a large sack, wind it up on the sack hoist and get us lads to take it. They could have a good laugh as the younger of us struggled in wobbly strides platting our legs under the weight. Wheat to go for milling was always required to be in one and half hundredweight sacks, (that's 75kilo in new money) and the seed wheat often came in two hundredweight sacks (100Kilo).
All this carrying weights of that sort, brought about my knee problems starting in my fifties, which eventually I went to see what could be done to alleviate my painful arthritic knees. You see the cartilage in the knee joint had worn out like a bush in a bearing, only it had worn out more on the inside of each joint making me very bow legged. Standing with my feet together there was almost six inches day light between my knees. When the old men were seen out and about walking bow legged father always used to say"their pig stopping days are over" . well mine had time had come now as well
This is the story of my operation to have new knees
Knees & Teeth
It was back in the 1990's that my knees started to feel as though they were wearing out, and as time went on I started to become bow legged. Also they became quite painful with arthritis, to the extent that I saw the doctor ( I don't think he knew me by the dust he blew off my file) . He in turn referred my to a specialist, who parted me with a whole wallet full of cash, up at Rowley Hall private hospital.
On entering the car park I found it essential that the old Montego should be parked at the rural end of the car park underneath a laurel bush, at least only half the car could be seen and that way it might be the gardeners car, or some other menial leaning on a brush. On entry my feet seemed to disappear into a deep pile carpet, just as well knowing my ability at polishing shoes, I had new socks and pants just to impress the surgeon, as I guessed he might want my bags down.
After the seemingly compulsory half hour wait beyond the appointment time, my name was called, I don't know why as I was the only one present. After being ushered into an interview room, or perhaps it was a small lecture room. Mr Travlos the consultant sat with a silent colleague some two feet higher than me in a very intimidating way. From where I sat you could see a polished seat to his trousers, and an unblemished sole to his shoe, as he sat very low with one leg crossed ( his shoes had never trod in the crustations mine had and I have yet to take mine off).
After preliminary introductions the first question was " why do you think you need new knees " then he went through all the things why I should not have them done. This included gangrene and the loss of my leg or legs (Ive no doubt through his incompetence) this gave me grave doubts about why I had bothered to unload so much money at the door. ( come to think about it I could have taken the Montego through the car wash about twenty times and enough change for a couple of tins of Kiwi polish for my shoes as well).
After ten minuets continuous confidence busting he decided to look at one of my knees , I don't know why when with my bags off he could see the other one as well, the other leg was on the chaise long not four inches away, perhaps that is what they call tunnel vision. Or perhaps I had only paid enough for one, you know how inflation takes hold when your not up to date with things. One kneecap was excessively exercised and vigorously prodded , then it was left for me to decide if I would have a arthroscopy. This I was told was to be done at the North Staffs (on NHS I must say), where an endoscope with a nipper would be sent under my kneecap to pullout debris, it must be the remains of my cartilage. This eventually was carried out only to find it had already disappeared, or most of it, so all that trouble for no benefit.
Then I had regular appointment every six months for the next four years, each time the excuse was that I was not old enough. I was not too bothered about this although it was becoming very painful to live let alone walk, and in the back of my mind Mr Travlos was getting valuable experience. (I kept an eye on the papers in case a surgeon from Stafford hospital had been relegated to a Knackers mans assistant)
At the beginning of 2001 the surgeon eventually gave me an appointment, this had a few preliminary appointments with firstly the nurse to establish which one was to be done first. She told me to see my dentist, as bad teeth could poison my system and cause a rejection , with the worst scenario being loss of my leg.
Panicked by this I instantly found a dentist who promptly got me to sign a direct debit, and because of the urgency examined and counted my teeth on the second day, then on the third day scrapped and polished. This was my second in a lifetime brush with a dentist, the first time was in 1946 at Seighford School at the age of eight, a dentist set up his chair in the main hall and all the kids were examined in turn. He found nothing then and they found nothing now, but six months down the line, at the next appointment it was different.
With a sharp hook he counted my teeth and when he thought there was nothing to do he dug his hook deep into the top of a tooth and declared it needed filling. Another appointment for the filling that was not needed, and another again for the scrape and polish. Then apart from my monthly standing order he extracted another sixty quid. Never in my life have I ever felt so ripped off by a professional who put no more than three minuets to drill and fill the tooth that he had violated.
They are still drawing my money every month, and now I've missed three six monthly appointments. I do still go to the dentist more regular now, every six months to get my moneys worth, but all the dentist does is count them, nowt else, then a scrape and polish. I am told at home I aut to be ashamed of myself as I have never brushed my teeth in my life, but I am the only one with all good teeth, and that makes the family very----- .
After all the preliminary checks and rechecks my appointment came through, On the two weeks run up to this date we had a vigorous reappraisal of my clothing, shorts seemed to be high on the list as after care involved constant attention and exercise
The anaesthetist came to examine me and gave reassuring utterances, then Mr Tavloss with his minyons one of whom produced a felt tip pen at his demand, and slapped into his palm as if it were a knife. This is what we are faced with, do what you can, was the reading I took from there faces, as they marked out my knee with arrows.
By this time I had almost got to know what a true gentleman Mr Travlos was and had every confidence in his abilities. On one preliminary appointment I overheard him negotiating with a supplier over the quality of his replacement joints claiming they had a longer wear life than those previously supplied, perhaps from Taiwan.
The morning of the Knife came, NILL BY MOUTH was hung round my neck, (or should I say on my cupboard), by mid morning my belly thought my throat had been cut. But in the mean time I was handed a bottle of what looked like iodine, a gown and an empty tea bag, called pants (to pull on to hold my body and sole together) , and then to the shower.
Emerging from the shower looking like I had got a very deep sun tan, and pulled up my "tea bag", (in your hand it was no bigger than an small envelope with three holes) and a back to front gown that I could not tie. A hard board had been placed under my new sheet on the bed, and the bed made like an "apple pie" bed, while I was in the shower, this I found out a little later was so they could slide me across easily onto the trolley that took me to theatre.
The waiting room of the theatre had beautiful pictures on the walls, and to cater for those like myself who were prone, and nervous, and a fixed gaze skywards , there was pictures on the ceiling as well. My appointed time was up and the trolley was shoved into a small room with the walls lined with, bottles tubes syringes and all the thing to put you under, (and I presume to bring you round as well) The anaesthetist, who had given me an examination the day before, was along side of me reaching for his utensils, and on turning round, a large needle pointing upward was dripping, (the time had come).
In my mind when the theatre doors opened was the image of three persons with yard brooms throwing down buckets of water, to make the operating room clean again for me to go in, (slaughter house stile). But in fact in came a man or woman dressed in mask and gown and gloves, and until he spoke did not realise it was Mr Travlos himself.
How privileged I felt, to be welcomed by the head ( or knees) man himself. Then thirty second later, the dripping needle was plugged onto a tap already put in a vein on the back of my hand. The clock above the theatre door was the last thing I saw, saying ten thirty five and twenty seconds. Then out like a light.
The next thing I knew was looking through a fog at the ceiling of the recovery room, some two hours later I believe. And when fully conscious I was wheeled back to the ward . That evening all my visitors were keen to see my bandages , (and so was I) there must have been four inches of wading and bandage from well up my thy almost to my ankle, with three drainage pipes out of the top, leading into vacumeised bottles under the bed. The knee was soar but the continuous pain of arthritis, had noticeably gone.
The next morning I enjoyed my breakfast, and could have eaten it four times over, but more pressing matters were building up, notably toilet variety. Passing water was no problem, in fact it took a while to get used to pee'ing up hill, into a bed bottle. Then twenty four hours on that privilege was quietly withdrawn to encourage you walk to the toilet. It was now time to get my feet onto the "deck" to start walking. The nurses were busy getting others moving, so I thought I would get my feet out on my own. The heavy leg was gradually wriggled towards the side of the bed, poking across with my free foot. This was very painful, but then again that was nothing compared to what was about to happen.
After ten minuets of manoeuvring and bracing myself for the big drop, one quike nudge of my free foot sent the bandaged leg lowering rapidly to the floor and nearly sent me through the roof. Of coarse it would not bend, and the jar of arriving suddenly to the floor reverberated back up to my knee. On biting my lip so hard it was what to do next. Eventually I was assisted back up onto the bed, but only to pull out the drainage pipes, these I felt ran down under the stitches to varying lengths, they gave me something to bite so it took no working out what was to come. Sure enough pain was something to get used to in here, and out came the pipes, and the bandages were changed and reduced .
For the first time the plaster was revealed that was stuck on the stitches, this was clogged with dried blood and had set hard. At this stage I found out that it was blood from the slaughter houses, that they stuck plywood together with not so many years ago. However my plaster resembled plywood.
Next on the scene was the physiotherapist, to begin the torturous process of bending the knee to forty five degrees before I can go home, a process that took about three or four more days.
Fist and the most urgent was to be able to get to the loo, as the bottles had been cleverly withdrawn. This was achieved with a walking frame, and being advised on how to use it by the phisio. That afternoon the urge to pass water came about me and under normal circumstances I would have ten minuets to think about it and ten more to get there.
But things had changed, slowly out of bed with my feet and on with the slippers, (you never know what you might find on the loo floor in bare feet) Up onto the frame and shuffle along to the loo, a short wait before it became available, the other loo was at the other end of the ward, and the pressure was such that that was ruled out. In to the loo and up to the pan, up one leg of the shorts and the relief and pleasure it was to let the water flow , only to find the lining of the sports shorts was a net through which I was reliving myself. Never in my life have I ever sieved the water I passed (pissed) down the loo.
The walking frame only lasted a day and we went onto elbow crutches, and the early warning signs of wanting the loo were heeded immediately, that gave much needed walking practice The day before I came out they took me to the stairs to practice going up and down with the elbow crutches - lead with the good leg going up , lead with the bad leg going down. A couple of visits from Mr Travlos and his team and another on his own to confirm my release, reviled the man behind the knife, to be a very caring perfectionist, who had plenty of people to practice on in the few years before my turn came. He had time to sit and talk for a while , generous with his time as well his skills.
My appreciation of this man knows no bounds, and have recommended him to all who will listen. The second knee was operated on by the same man six months later, having had the earlier experiences, it went smoothly in the knowledge of what I learned then.
It should be my next intention to get to know my dentist in the same way, but without any pain I think this to be most unlikely.
Now just a few private thoughs on teeth
Teeth are nature’s way
Teeth are nature’s way, of grinding to recycle,
They provide one with, expression that is vital,
That sparkling star that, emerges from your lips,
Through them passes everything, that goes onto the hips.
Some peoples teeth they rot away, but still they put on kilo,
Even when their chin comes up, no teeth to fill the hollow,
Wonder how the mirror stands it, each and every day,
Fitting false teeth mashers, or gum food to a puree.
The dentist loves to see them coming, sitting in his chair,
Please make me a new set, the old ones beyond repair
False teeth got wiped off drainer, along with tater peelings,
Thrown up the back of ess hole, along with all the fillings. (Ess hole, bottom of the chimney in an old cast iron kitchen range)
New dentures rub your gums sore, or drop out in your dinner,
Can’t eat as quickly as before, help you get much thinner,
Daren’t cough or sneeze or even fart, look after this new set,
They cost a fortune them to make, no more chewing on briquette.
Nuts at Christmas they are out, so is tough old beef,
Only things that you can squash, tween those brand new teeth,
They spend more time in jar, up in the bathroom cupboard,
Than where they should be, more lip there to be puckered.
So the lesson here I see, look after the teeth your born with,
No need for dentist’s help at all, and sweep away the myth,
Teeth should last a lifetime, still there when you’re only bones,
Looking upwards in repose, smiling up beneath gravestones.
Countryman.
Here are a couple of relevant quotes,
It is better to die on your fee than live on your knees.
Quotation by Emiliano Zapata (1877 - 1919)
If you'r going to kick authority in the teeth, you might as well use two feet.
Quotation by Keith Richards