The Garden Telegraph Pole
The long arm of the hedge cutter whiplashes forward past the pole and back again, giving the flails a second bite at it.
The Garden Telegraph Pole Blog. Yet Another Embarrassing Moment (or should I say weekend) --
It was July and the front garden hedge was looking a mess, and with it being in the centre of the village, and on the village green and next to the school and church, we like to keep it tidy by trimming it three times in the season.
Being almost a hundred yards in length, the hedge was in easy reach for the tractor hedge cutter, so this is how it's done.
So on with the hedge cutter for the first time this year, taking great care on reversing up to it, (you see the tractor has got a very sharp clutch), it takes a good half hour to fit to the tractor, with all the controls and PTO and stabilizing wishbone, run it up to test it, then out onto the road to make a start.
The first run along the shoulder of the hedge, included lifting out a little round a telephone pole, so I go gently inch up to it, then another few inches, but the tractor lurched forward six inches, (the sharp clutch you see) stab the brakes and the head of the cutter out on its long arm whiplashes forward over a foot past the pole and back again, giving the flails two bites at the pole. (A new set of sharp flails had not long been fitted)
Our garden hedge runs up to the school, that's it on the right and that's the new pole with the cable running up almost hidden behind it. Two inches had been planed off this side of the old pole along with rising the cable.
Up my side of the pole was an underground cable rising to the top for distributing telephone wires to all the houses at our end of the village, there is the Vet, the school headmasters house and the a lecturer at British Telecom, also the vicarage and the school, but not our house.
The head of the machine was perfectly vertical, but not quite out of the hedge enough to clear the pole cleanly. So the few inches forward turned into a foot and it chewed into the pole like a plaining machine in one swift movement, and twenty yard up the road was a four foot length of twenty four strand cable, in shreds.
Although it was in a very public place, no one saw what happened, so in consultation with my assistant, we drew a large grain trailer close on the pavement by the pole to hide what we were looking at, and proceeded to examine the possibilities.
One, we tried was to pull the ends to meet and twist the colour coded wires together, so we pulled the cable down the pole a little way, then proceeded to pull surplus cable out of the conduit from under ground . One huge heave and it would not budge, but all the insulation stripped off the cables.
This option not being possible we hid the broken wires behind the pole, and gave up, thinking that we could blame the council grass verge trimmer who had passed through a few days prior.
All this happened on a Friday evening, no one complained about the phones being off until Monday morning. The Telecom, man at his house was away sailing, the Vet was on duty, and had a quiet weekend, the vicar was busy, and the school was closed. (A new eighteen point computer had just been commissioned at the school and a direct on-line internet connection via Telecom set up, and I had cut it off).
I spent all Monday morning carting muck, past the scene, to see what developed. A junior technician arrive at 10.30am and could not find the fault , a more senior technician arrive and did no better, the area manager arrived and found the fault and guessed what happened. I made myself scarce and went a long way around to arrive in our yard for lunch so as not to go past the pole. By this time the area manager had worked his way down the village talking to Reg at the blacksmith's shop, and when I drove by on the tractor Reg innocently pointed shouting that's him ,
I had been rumbled, and even the council verge cutter story did not wash, two weeks later I received a bill. The junior was £28 an hour, the senior man was £42 an hour and the area manager was£84 an hour, and £12 worth of new cable, it came to almost £400 (which was claimed off my insurance). Then two weeks later they came and replaced the old pole and put in a new one, this time they run the cable down the back of the pole. I asked for the old pole but they declined, if I had had to pay for the new pole I would have insisted they leave me the damaged one, but I thought I'd better not push my luck, they obviously did not want to reward "flialgrant" damage.
I Remember the New Telephone Pole
Decided garden hedge need cutting, out with flail cutter,
No small thing on big tractor, one wheel was in the gutter,
A pole it stud right in the middle, blocking my clean run,
The tractor has a clutch so sharp, think formula one the race begun.
I pull right close up to the pole, six inches, to myself I said,
Lift the clutch, the rev were sharp, a foot it whipped the head,
Up near side of pole was wire, to the school out of a hole,
It ripped clean off four foot of this, and dug right in the pole.
The wire we did run retrieve, from way off up the road,
It contained twenty four wires, easy matched up all colour code,
So with strength we tried to pull, more wire out of hole down there,
With sudden pull we stripped the lot, and had to leave them bare.
For two days over weekend, the neighbours had no phone,
While carting muck out through the yard, out away from home,
Telephone van drove slowly by, he didn't find the fault at first,
So he called out senior, who couldn't find it, all was in mist.
Area manager he came by, spotted pole with chunk out split,
Wires he found and came to look, for who he thought was culprit,
Taking notes he did asked the question, did you do it with stern repore,
Yes was my reply, I will bill you for repairs wire pole and labour.
The minion who did come the first, had set upon repairs,
A lorry with new pole arrived, up lifting pole in the air,
Asked for old pole to be left, for me to use at home,
That is not our policy, to encourage damage to our poles,
The bill did come, minion's price, twenty eight pounds hour,
Senior's price but nil he did, forty two pounds for all his power,
Area man was double again, for he did find the fault,
It added up to quite a sum, new pole made it tidy by default.
Policy now is give wide birth, and fit new clutch the tractor needs,
School computer newly fitted, the wall more closely with shorter of leads
Vet across the road on duty, had a quiet weekend tend his dog,
And I did work and sweat and fret, to tell the man it was bad fog.
Countryman
Experience is a marvellous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Franklin P. Jones