Oh, you dirty minded Brits!! I figure with this title this will be my most read blog ever. I was going to write a blog entitled "Welcome to the party" (there you go again, get your minds out of the gutter) about the fact your government has decided you have joined us in recession, and perhaps even are considering using the dreaded "D" word,but I decided my blogs are getting entirely too gloomy.
Yes, Mrs K and I are having trouble in the bedroom, but it is not of the scandalous nature I suspect you were hoping for when you accessed this blog. The trouble is, according to Mrs. KF, I snore, loudly, when I sleep on my back. Unfortunately for Mrs. KF, I get my most restful sleep on my back. Years ago when my grandparents were having this problem I thought it was funny....I now realize it is a pretty serious deal, because my wife is not getting enough sleep which among other things makes her very grumpy. I am not getting much sleep either due to the frequent thumpings I am getting accompanied by, "will you PLEASE roll onto your side". I had the brilliant thought a few weeks ago that perhaps Amy could try rolling me onto my side without waking me, so that at least one of us could sleep all night. I thought I was dreaming one night that someone was trying to push me out of bed, I awakened to the sound of Amy grunting and groaning as she tried to shift me onto my side, unsuccessfully. Forgetting what I had told her, I asked rather hotly "What ARE you doing". Several times, I was certain I was awake when she told me I was snoring, either she hallucinates now, or I do. On one of those occasions she asked me to roll over and I replied, "WHY would I do that??". BECAUSE I CANT SLEEP WITH YOU SNORING!( I swear I was awake and not snoring).
My wife is a delightful woman, always happy, during the daytime. At night, she shows a more sinister side. Although she has a legitimate gripe about my snoring, I take issue with her claiming 75% of the bed. On the nights I manage not to snore, I am awakened with "can you move over any??" Generally, I have about 4 inches before I plunge off the edge of the bed, I consider that to be as far over as I am going to get. My better half feels that anything over 2 inches of margin is me taking more than my share. We are considering measuring the width of the mattress and putting a piece of tape on the headboard at the center mark, so when we have these middle of the night issues, I can turn on the light and point to the "border".
We have other issues keeping us up. First being our dogs, I believe I have blogged about them before, suffice it to say we have the 2 stupidest dogs in Kansas at least and maybe the world. They bark at anything and everything besides people. During deer season the guys I leased the farm to to hunt showed up at 1 in the morning, in 4 pickups, the dogs didn't raise any kind of alarm, until they had been here nearly 36 hours, then suddenly at noon of that day they mysteriously decided to bark at them. One night my wife, who is a church deacon, stormed out of the bedroom and onto the front porch yelling "Shut up you stupid b.stards" at the top of her lungs. That made me smile even in a semi-conscious state. The other issue is my fire pager. Out of a desire to have top of the line gossip material, I like to keep it on scan so it picks up the police. Since ours rarely have any issues at night(most aren't even on duty) usually it is silent, but on certain nights it picks up radio traffic from a larger town about 100 miles away, this happens suddenly and always wakes us both up. It could be very easily cured, but then I would not be in the know on the once every 8 weeks or so we have some type of police incident in the middle of the night.
For now, to attack the snoring, we have purchased some strips that are supposed to hold my nostrils open. They have a super strong adhesive, and are rather painful to remove in the morning. They seem to help I guess, because about half the time I forget to put one on at bedtime, and on those nights I get shaken and told to roll over.
Any sure fire snoring relief methods someone can share?? We would be grateful. And I didn't even cover Mrs.KFs 2 degree temperature comfort zone. 68F is just right most nights, 66F is too cold, 70F is way too hot.