Aparently The US are looking into renaming swine flu to protect their pig industry (fearing people may stop eating pork). Anyone got any suggestions?

 "The current influenza situation should be referred to as H1N1 Flu Outbreak."

Who said scientists were boring eh?

If this goes ahead 'pigs might fly'   - at least then we'll have a real case of swine flew (sorry) 

THE BEAST

Congratulations to our future monarch are in order, I would drop him an email though as the post might not make it in time.

PC has managed to make time in his busy schedule baking shortbread for the duchy and sticking his nose in it (it being everything). To hop on the old private jet and Hob-Nob his way around Italy for a couple of days. The new tour comes seven years after the last official tour of Italy and at least a week since the last holiday- the last official tour promoting British beef after the’ mad cow scare’ ; coincidently  Camilla was there to  carry the bags (cheap shot I know).

We can all breath a sigh of relief however as we have been given a leave of 99 moths to enjoy ourselves before we slip into the ‘dark ages’, obviously based on solid scientific fact the Prince predicted that global warming will mean summer 2017 will be a bit of a wash out- what will the Duchy do with all that unsold ice cream?

At least PC didn’t have to waste time away from his laboratory checking in at the airport, the private jet left plenty of time for Camilla (or one the many aids accompanying them) to pack the bags.  Fortunately the return flight would have been slightly lighter as he left the Pope (a bachelor) 10 dessert plates depicting High Grove; making PC the only person to have purchased desert plates in the last decade and the pope wondering whether anyone on eBay will know what a desert plate is.

So as we serenely slip into the Dark Age’s penniless, unemployed, guilty and travelling at 15 miles an hour in asthmatic electric cars ankle deep in ice-cream Prince Charles will be telling us how right he was- leading the charge in his private jet.

THE BEAST

Afternoon,

I have been playing around with this fantasy portfolio game for a while now (link at the bottom of the page) Its run by the Telegraph so it perfectly legit.

Basically you get £100,000 to invest in real bonds and you have to make the biggest return possible (or in most cases stem the losses). you might even get lucky and win the big cash prize?

If anyone else wants to try their luck send me a message and we'll get an Fw mini league going.

Tips i have learnt-

never do this with your own money in the real world, do it with someone elses (standard practice).

Its nearly all luck with a spattering of judgement

Yours,

Tom Bollar

(on Behalf of the BEAST)

www.fanatsyfundmanager.telegraph.co.uk