AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.


As he was walking alongside the river,he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.


He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him..


He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.


He tripped & fell on the ground.


He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him...

At that instant the Atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.


As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'
'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?

Am I to count you as a believer?

The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?


'Very well,' said the voice.


The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.’ v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);} Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";}

Very good, I have a sister as well, high maintenance, could shop for the Olympics. They can be more trouble than their worth, you know!!

Very big writing, is she near sighted?

 My grandfather told me a story he said was true(and I believe him) from the days when the neighbors all got together to thresh.  It was the custom here(as I imagine it was over there) for the farm wife on the farm where they were doing the threshing to prepare lunch for everyone, and certain farm wives were noted for being better cooks than others.  However, this particular situation was more the fault of the farmer, who was very tight with his money.  It was noted on this farm that you usually left the dinner table still just a little hungry.  Another custom was the oldest man at the table said grace.  It happened the oldest man in this neighborhood had a rather good sense of humor.  As the hungry crew of farmers gathered around the table, they noticed the fried chicken came from some very small birds.  The elderly farmer bowed his head and closed his eyes, then solemnly prayed "God bless the owl that ate the fowl and left the bones for us, Amen". 

Grandpa swore that was a true story.

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman were travelling together on a train. After a while they started bragging their country's good points and thing's soon got a bit heated.

Suddenly the Scotsman took a brand new bottle of whisky out of his bag,he took one sip and then threw the rest out of the window. "plenty of whisky in Scotland" he boasted ! Not wanting to be out done the Irishman took a bottle of Guinness out of his pocket, took one swig and threw the rest out of the window. "plenty more where that came from" he said.

The Englishman didn't have a bag, and after thinking for a bit he took out his wallet and threw £50 out of the window "any amount of money in England" he bragged. The Welshman didn't hesitate, he got up grabbed the Englishman and threw him out of the window and said "Too many of those bas##rd's in Wales !"

Kansas Farmer, my father was in a similar situation once and prayed, " Thank you God for what we've got. If we had more we'd eat the lot."