I've just been talking to someone at the Plain English Campaign - she inquired if there were any examples of convulated/confusing language in booklets/literature put out by DEFRA or other farming organisations. Anyone got any example that have particularly annoyed/frustrated them? I'm trying to get together a dossier of the worst ones...

Getting some good examples of these coming in. Still on the lookout for more, though, so feel free to share any examples that you've found particularly galling. There must be some examples from the RPA!

Tim.Relf:

There must be some examples from the RPA!

Understanding your Single Payment Scheme Entitlements Statement. November 2009. Page 3.

For the 2005, 2006 and 2007 scheme years, you could activate entitlements (except Special entitlements) on land growing fruit, vegetables or potatoes if you had fruit, vegetables or potato authorisations attached to them. Authorisations on an entitlement allowed you to claim for payment for that entitlement on the land growing fruit, vegetables or potatoes. We show the words 'with FVP' for these entitlements when they have authorisations attached. You have not needed these authorisations since the 2008 sheme year to claim the Single Payment for land used to grow fruit, vegetables or potatoes, therefore we do not show the words 'with FVP on your statement from 2008 onwards.

Is this an example of unecessary dated information presented in a tautologous and repetitive manner?

Peter Wells:

Is this an example of unecessary dated information presented in a tautologous and repetitive manner?

Yes...and it's given me a headache reading it

Incidentally, Jeremy Clarkson is no fan of some of the language used in farming - he said this in his Sunday Times column after buying a farm. “And nor do I understand why the forms I have to fill in to get this cash money are longer and more complicated than the instruction manual for a nuclear power station.”

If you can't find sufficient examples then why not make your own using this handy tool kindly provided by The Plain English Campaign!

http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/examples/gobbledygook-generator.html

and as an example, one from the 2002 archives for mushrooms lovers everywhere and a Golden Bull Award nominee too!

• A label on Waitrose mushrooms

'MUSHROOMS CULTIVATED ON SUBSTRATE FROM EXTENSIVE AGRICULTURE WHICH IS PERMITTED IN ORGANIC FARMING DURING A TRANSITIONAL PERIOD'

S 'pect all the customers really appreciated that load of old horse manure when making a mushroom risotto.

Of course this pearl from a civil servant on the reason why payments of support to Welsh farmers were cut in 2006 down to £64 from £106 the previous year is well worth forgetting.

“when the Government issues resource accounts as opposed to statements of cashflow, it recognises liabilities, future liabilities when they occur. The effect of that is that when you get a change in the scheme, there appeared an item which was the recognition of future years more than one year ahead and that, therefore, gave an artificial increase in the year in which that was recognised, not affecting the cash payments, but affecting the recognition of the future liability looking more than one year ahead. This is the difference between accruals accounts and cash accounts.”

All clear there then...but there must be loads of recent statements, instructions and explanations to befuddle the dear reader.

Hi, here in Wales we have double the problem. The English version doesn't ever make much sense and the Welsh translation looks like it's been translated by a computer or by someone from Poland. It gets translated word for word rather than sentence for sentence and makes absolutely no sense at all ( is this what they want ? ). In fact I think a 10 year old could do a better job.

This one was sent to me by someone who wants to remain anonomous - but it's a good example. It's from DEFRA's Sustainable Development Action Plan:

"Defra's role is to promote the inclusion of rural interests within mainstream government policy-making and delivery in a way that is both itself sustainable in policy terms and leads to sustainable outcomes, and to maintain an overview of a basket of national indicators in order to determine whether there are any systemic problems resulting from geography/rurality."

well done Tim - this is so typical of Civil Service gobldygook using about 60 words (no doubt also printing of thousands of times in a glossy booklet) and what does it say?  IMHO absolutely nothing!

Thanks for John Tuck for sending us this from the minutes of a South West of England Regional Development Agency meeting:

**** explained that the current scrutiny protocol had helped to shape a new and more meaningful approach. The revised protocol provided a pragmatic evolution of the current approach, based on an evaluation that had recently been concluded. The draft Scrutiny Protocol firmed up the reporting of Scrutiny Panel recommendations to the Board and provided a flexibility in the options put forward, should the need arise.

As an example of government obfuscation, will you accept a submission of a Job title?

A lady of my acquaintance works for a County Council and has the title: 

• Commissioning Manager. Market Management and Development. Children and Young Peoples Directorate.

Any ideas as to what work is performed during the working week?

Peter Wells:

Any ideas as to what work is performed during the working week?

Not a clue Peter

Peter Wells:

As an example of government obfuscation, will you accept a submission of a Job title?

A lady of my acquaintance works for a County Council and has the title: 

• Commissioning Manager. Market Management and Development. Children and Young Peoples Directorate.

Any ideas as to what work is performed during the working week?

Surely you can ask her ...?  She commissions stuff to do with managing and developing markets?  On behalf of children and young people?

Malcolm:

Surely you can ask her ...? 

You are right, I can and I will, when two factors coincide. The first is opportunity the second and more importantly, is that my own mind will have to be in a state of soporiferous quiescence.