Here's a new caption comp for you all. Normal £20 on offer.

Hilary Benn is under there somewhere, do you want me to dig him out quickly or slowly?

I was told to pick up three Cabinet Ministers from Downing Street and bring them to Lincoln, but when I opened the door this lot fell out.

At least there's no Governmental leek this time

Normally, I drive M.P.'s around, and I thought this little lot was less argumentative than usual

I hate vegetables, so I thought I'd take a whole year's five-a-day in one go!

"This your sheep, sir? Look at the mess of my blinkin' cab."

Sheep is saying "hic"

"Those Harper Adams sods did it again, they get me to drive them mile when we get there they must have slipped me some Senokot. But the time I got back to the cab there was all this with the note 'Barbara will pay!' "

"I wish farmers tipped and paid the fare in cash its always like this when Smithfield is on"

"I suppose you don't know the directions to the Farmers Weekly as one TeslaCoils wants this delivered to Isabel Davies there."

So it's hotpot for five hundred then?

"Call yourself a Chef?" "I used to be a chef once and could have diced this lot in sixty seconds flat".

With a doff of the hat to Spitting Image - "I thought the Cabinet were coming to lunch, not being part of the menu!"

" I said get Savoy cabbage not sandbag a cabbie"

Honest,mate,it hasn't fallen off the back of a lorry.

Chef astonished to find what local cabbie bought for his £10 bag for Ready-Steady-Cook.

OK- you have five minutes to re-arrange this lot into a well-known soup

Council official to chef -  "Under the provisions of the Town and Country Vegetable Litter act 2008, Irish Stew in the name of the Law."

" I'll give you five minutes to clear this lot up, before I issue you with a ticket for littering!"

urm?? shouldnt this be pre prepared for me in some nice packaging??

Jacobus:

Council official to chef -  "Under the provisions of the Town and Country Vegetable Litter act 2008, Irish Stew in the name of the Law."

Oh man, thats got to win. No point in thinking up any more. That is pure genius.

Tesla, much as I would like to bask in glory, Irish Stew in the name of the Law came from a Christmas cracker or the 1959 Beano Annual or some other such source and has stuck in my mind ever since just waiting for a suitable opportunity to make a re-appearance!

"Chap called Dave three from West Wales sent this. He said to take it to the Grovenor for the FWI Award Dinner and that it was to pay for his ticket. He said Isabel would understand".

"This old farmer said, take this to Defra and tell Hilary Benn where he can put it, but he specifically said that you weren't to cook it first".

Jacobus:

Irish Stew in the name of the Law came from a Christmas cracker

Well said Jacobus! I have been waiting for years to get in the Mary Poppins phrase  ....  Super cabbage, fragile lipstick, expect halotosis. ......

Wasnt giving credit for inventing the joke - just getting it in the right place at the right time.

Clearly the chef is the odd one out - the rest if the evenings "entertainment" at a Mayfair gentlemans club?

 They said they were short of a grain trailer. But i thort i was going to drive a tractor and trailer. I didant think this was the answer.