Farmers Weekly's agony uncle Farmer Frank has obviously been following this business with Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand a little too closely. I’ve just heard that he’s been ringing up members of FW staff, leaving rude messages.

Apparently, he left a message on the answerphone of the editor, Jane King, asking her if she “fancied featuring his tackle”. He said he “could do with a good service”.

He then sang a song which involved some questionable lyrics, which included mention of a Charolais bull, a carrot and a tub of Swarfega.

I’ve just tried to contact him, but can’t track him down.

I fear some questions may be being asked about his future in the Farmers Weekly office...

Not just the Farmers Weekly office! It'll be on Prime ministers questions next week!!

It seems Farmer Frank has been following this whole Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand story a little too closely. He’s been at it all weekend – making hoax calls and leaving messages on the mobiles of Farmers Weekly staff. I’m broadminded so I wouldn’t have minded – but the messages I’ve received have got increasingly smutty. I fear many of them were made from a pub.

Some were a bit incoherent, but I can only assume he was referring to his Christmas lunch at one point, because he talked about "a good stuffing".

He also rang our community editor Isabel Davies and – and I’m prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt for now and assume this was another food reference – talked at length about her "dumplings".

The boss here (the equivalent to the BBC’s director general) has asked to see me later this morning to talk about Farmer Frank’s future.

Don't tell him he's suspended for three months, he might get excited!

Maybe it's time for a firm hand to be used to rein him in - and the one person to do that is Mrs Frank!

Maybe the US needs Farmer Frank - how about as the new President's adviser on international agricultural affairs?

The old goat would love the idea of being suspended for a few months. He'd see it as a bit of a holiday!

Surely it would be more humane to string him up in The Tower of London. Getting a female involved is bad enough but his Mrs not even Bin Laden would torture some that badly.

just tell me where to send my wife to deal with him, she will make him pay... blimey!

She knows how to torture, payback and destroy a man, i should know and i'm still paying and all i said was "i do...." 

One day your wife is going to read some of your posts....

no fear Isabel, i keep the computer next to the kitchen sink, she will never find it! 

Would work for me!

bonehead:

just tell me where to send my wife to deal with him, she will make him pay... blimey!

She knows how to torture, payback and destroy a man, i should know and i'm still paying and all i said was "i do...." 

It makes me realise there is a very good plus to being single, you don't get pushed in to a  lake with concrete shoes!!!

Marriage is o.k - you menfolk just need to know when you're wrong!!!!

Which according to most is all the time. My dad usually gets it worse as he gets told "Just as I thought more money on the farm, I shouldn't expect it any different after 35 years of the same farm comes first the house can fall apart and water come in side but as long as that sheds fix thats ok."

Well that and "The only time I ever get anything done in the house is when you get something for the farm."

Marriage! Pffft!

If you marry ,it normally means you have to live with them, which involves 24 hour moaning and on call 24 hours.

I'll probably suffer for it but it was fun just now as my mum took my sisters car in for its mot as my sister is scared of Ashford's junction 10. Now my mum that never gets or does anything wrong having been to the place before as we take all over vehicles there went to the wrong mot place in the industrial estate.

At the moment I am sporting a big grin and having trouble keeping a straight face although I dare say I will soon have a fry pan embedded in my skull.

Could sumone explain to me what it is that we women do so wrong, that deserves all the horrible comments! After all we women cook for you men, clean up after you etc etc. And you men arent exactly perfect yourselves.  

Nothing.... my girlfriend is lovely and puts up with my farm smell shes really really lovely (can you tell shes going to read this)

parksy:

Could sumone explain to me what it is that we women do so wrong, that deserves all the horrible comments! After all we women cook for you men, clean up after you etc etc. And you men arent exactly perfect yourselves.  

I am not say that women are all bad but after suffering from a constant headache for the past six months from my mum moaning about the work that is needed on the house and now about the building work going on.  My sister complaining about the hay and/or straw or the sheep breaking the electric fence tape (not the fact that said tape looks a mess and get wrapped around the sheep's hooves if you are not careful) and the ear ache I'll get when she reads this!!

Although every man that I have spoken too has always come out with the same two words that if you ever get married to just say "Yes dear"

I guess that does slightly influence me at the moment and we would be hard pushed to cope at lambing time without my mum or aunt (not that she will let us forget it) although we try for as long as possible due to the constant monaing and yell we get even when we try getting some sleep shortly after we start as due to the fact she didn't grow up on a farm (although my sister who has is the same) thinks that you can be every where at once and that you should spend as much time trying to save a lamb that you know what ever you do won't make it rather than spend the time saving one that has got a chance and also thinks that you should be in every shed at once to make sure that the stupid ewe that doesn't look where it lays down doesn't lay on a lamb.

I think half of the trouble it my dad isn't very diy minded and so as I have the tools I usually get it in that respect and also my dad has perfect with the years of practice going deaf on queue so I get it in his stead as well. I am afraid more like my mum in the respect that I can stand it for a bit then I tend to answer/let it go back which doesn't go down too well. Although the silent treatment doesn't hurt the ears as much.

But even with all of that of that I freely admit we would be lost without her. I just don't think I could cope with three at the moment.

Matty that is some first claas sucking up.

Hey Parksy,

The trick is to grow up with brothers! you get the measure of them from an early age, and have it all sussed out by the time you come to marry (hopefully!)

Whats wrong with marriage???

THey marry you hoping they can change you then for years after complain that you are not the same man they married!!

blimey where do i start? (wheres Les Dawson when you need him???)

admit that i am wrong?????

Lets start with the toilet seat shall we? You are a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down, do you ever hear us complain when you leave it down?

Shopping is not a sport. And No we will never think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Christopher Columbus didnt need directions and neither do we.

I am in shape, round is a shape is it not?

If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing", we will act like nothings wrong, we know you are lying but its just not worth the hassle.

A nightly headache for 17 months means you have a problem, go to the doctors will you.

And finally, "here take thse 2 paracetamol!"

"What you dont have a headache you say? Well....."

I think this deserves a separate thread so we can really sort it out! I will give my response when I have more time!!!