Can you write a farming song?

The UK act Scooch might be putting the finishing touches to its performance for this Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest – but you’ve still got time to have a bit of fun by entering FWi’s ‘Euro-Farming’ Song Contest.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to sing or get on stage or put up with the wry scepticism of Terry Wogan. All you have to do is put some farming words to a well-known song. You can make it serious or funny or a mixture of both.

To give you an idea of the sort of things we’re after, here’s one penned by FWi forum user ‘Darling’ who was inspired by The Proclaimers’ smash hit 500 Miles.

We’ve also come up with a couple of our own, based on The Jam’s fabulous Going Underground, and Gloria Gaynor’s anthem I Will Survive.

You don’t have to do the whole song; a verse or two, or even just the chorus, is enough – although the more you can write, the better chance you’ll have of winning.

The judge – don’t worry, it’s not Simon Cowell, it’s Farmlife editor Tim Relf – will then pick a winner.

Unlike The X-Factor, we can’t promise you a £1m record deal unfortunately – but we might run to a bottle of champagne for the best one. Send us your song by May 11.

You can enter by posting you entry on the forum thread or emailing it to tim.relf@rbi.co.uk

500 miles to the RPA, by The Proclaimers

When I wake up, and I go and milk the cows, I know I’m milking them to pay off my bank loan,

And when I’m silaging, I know I have to work all night, to save on costs and stop the buggers foreclosing on my home.

When I’m paying bills, I know that someone else is laughing, and making loadsa money from all my hard work,

And when the milk cheque comes, I know that the supermarkets won again and their bosses can get brand new Mercs.

And I’ve gotta walk 500 miles, and I’ve gotta walk 500 more,

Just to find the RPA to ask when my SFP gonna finally arrive at my door!

Going to acquire more ground, by The Jam

Some people might say my farm is big enough

But I’m not happy with what I’ve got
People might say that I should cut my costs more,
But I’m so happy I can’t see the point.
Something’s happening near today
An auction of land in a nice ring fence and
I’m so happy even if it means paying over the top
The vendor will want more money – of course I ain’t got
To buy 40 acres and call it mine

And the public doesn’t know what the public wants
But I want nothing this society’s got –
I’m going to acquire more ground, (going to acquire more ground)
Well the bank manager’s nervous and the accountant’s been round
Going to acquire more ground, (going to acquire more ground)
Well let the boys all sing and the boys all shout for tomorrow…

I will survive, by Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
Without cows by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Thinking how the milk price was wrong
And I grew strong
And I learnt how to diversify