25 February 2000

Charity shops spurn his cast-offs

STRANGERS to the farm refuse to believe our resident scarecrow is the land owner. His cast-offs are refused by charity shops and even the dogs.

It would take a braver woman than me to ensure his many pockets are empty before a long overdue immersion in the washing machine – the mechanic no longer comments on the rifle pellets, ear tags and rivets that bung up the machines innards.

Worse than a scruffy farmer is a scruffy livestock farmer whose malodorous socks and overalls are so caked in unmentionables they stand up by themselves.

His disreputable hat is thoroughly impermeable as it doubles as an oil rag and sow board but it affords great protection when used as a bramble remover, hot exhaust pipe or bulb holder.

His shapeless wax jacket has no sheen and doubles as a filing cabinet whose system is known only to its owner who, like a magician, produces things out of its interior with a flourish – even once a budgie!

Curious rubber loving piglets render one of each pair of wellies useless with their sharp teeth ensuring he wears odd wellies.

He cleans up pretty good, but best clothes must be whisked out of reach before he gropes his way out of bed in the morning.

Mrs A K Scrimshaw

Middle Farm, Long St, Foston, Lincs.

Clothes show… some of the Dickies range – for more details call 01761 410041.