22 June 2001

Dont forget to irradiate those pesky farm cats

They are enough to make teachers and lecturers cry but

we hope these student howlers will make readers chuckle

"Farmers have traditionally not needed to concentrate on marketing because they had guaranteed markets. A guaranteed market is a market which is guaranteed."

"In order to prevent

toxoplasmosis in sheep,

it is essential that the farmer irradiates all cats on the farm."

"Continental breeds – like the Charolais and the Limousine –

have good growth rates."

"Fishing lakes are a useful diversification,

assuming there are fish in your lakes."

"Cattle suffer from worms in the summer and breathing problems in the winter when kept in centrally-heated barns."

&#8226 Are you a teacher or lecturer who has been left perplexed or amused by a sentiment such as these? If so, wed love to hear about it. Dont worry, you can remain anonymous – all we want are the words of wisdom. £10 awaits.

email: tim.relf@rbi.co.uk