29 March 2002

WHACKO,

FORa FARMMATE

Spring is in the air and Lindi St Clair is looking for a

farmer to marry. But as Tessa Gates discovered,

it will not be a conventional union

THE lovely old farmhouse and barn conversion with a smart Jeep in the drive smacks of prosperity. Waterfowl splash and quack contentedly on the ponds of this 6ha (15-acre) holding, secured from the ravages of foxes by electric fencing.

Inside the house the first floor sitting room with its large windows gives a panoramic view of beautiful countryside, yet its owner is willing to give it all up in order to find a farmer husband for herself and as importantly, a lake for her beloved ducks.

"There must be a lonely farmer out there who is looking for a wife," says Lindi StClair. Blonde, buxom and attractive, she does not seem an obvious "lonely heart" but Lindi, more notoriously known as Miss Whiplash, is a woman with a colourful past, and some very focused ideas on what she wants from marriage.

She is looking for a fit older man aged 50 to 70 – looks immaterial – who must be financially sound.

"I dont come empty-handed. My dowry is this house and land and my house in Greenwich, which could be turned into cash. I would need him to be able to match my assets and to be without any debts," she says.

&#42 Inland Revenue

Lindi, who was named Miss Whiplash by a Sunday paper, is no stranger to the headlines – most famously when the Inland Revenue wanted a share of her immoral earnings. "I worked in London as a high class madam and in 1993 I was bankrupted by the Inland Revenue for three years. They took my Earls Court bordello and all the cash from my offshore accounts."

She started up again in her second property, a terraced house in Greenwich. "I only kept my Greenwich house because it had negative equity but they kept an eye on it until property prices rose again. I had to pay them £10,000 last year to stop them from taking it," she explains.

Incensed that the state could tax prostitutes while still prosecuting them for working, she founded the Corrective Party and stood for Parliament 11 times.

"I think girls should pay tax on their earnings – it would help pay for schools and hospitals. I dont stand in elections anymore – it is too expensive – but I am still a campaigner for justice.

"I have recently been protesting against the siting of a phone mast – a local farmer wanted help when they intended to put one near his house. I have also been getting interested in farming issues. Local farmers wanted me to help campaign about bovine TB and badgers. I wouldnt get involved as the Miss Whiplash bit would distract from the issues but I could tell them who to embarrass."

&#42 Unlikely jump

From London bordello to Herefordshire smallholding seems an unlikely jump and like everything in Lindis life, it has an unusual twist to it. She has been married twice. The first time in 95 to a rich regular client – a transsexual mechanical engineer. She was 44 and he was 74. "He promised to give me all his money if I would marry him," says Lindi quite openly.

They lived in his Eastbourne house along with a bodyguard, Dean, and the trio were happy, she says, until at the age of 79 her husband went senile and forgot what gender he was. The marriage was annulled and she embarked on her second marriage, this time to the bodyguard, Dean.

"I thought he would look after me and protect me and in return I would keep him – it was a marriage of convenience. He had served inthe Rhodesian army special forces and was a notorious mercenary, we moved to Herefordshire so he could be near his mates in the British SAS. He intended to train mercenaries in my 10-acre field but it never happened – he said too many other special forces guys were doing it."

&#42 Charmed by ducks

Lindi quickly took to country life and was charmed by a wild mallard that hatched ducklings on her pond. When they flew off she bought 13 ornamental waterfowl and some pedigree rabbits and now has more ducks than she can accommodate. "I sell the eggs now to stop them breeding." But her own relationship was not working at all well. "I found life as a mercenarys wife too stressful. Every time a helicopter flew over the house we went on red alert in case it was some agent out to snatch him in retaliation for jobs he had carried out overseas. I didnt want to get caught in the crossfire… and he wanted to shoot my ducks and rabbits." That was the final straw and the divorce is about to be finalised.

Country life has made Lindi rethink her future. There are few clients for a working girl in a rural area and they are certainly not the well-heeled types she is used to. She is virtually retired now and doesnt want to work any more. She is far happier tending her livestock in muddy boots than bothering to dress up in fishnets and stilettos.

Now links to her past are neatly stacked in intriguingly labelled boxes – uniforms, rubber, harness, whips… "Those whips have slapped some famous backsides," she quips. Canes, chains and padlocks, redundant from use on clients, secure netting, gates and fences on the holding but a chain and handcuffs swing from an old oak beam in the sitting room and antique framed manuscripts of execution orders hang on the walls, a reminder that that there is a stricter side to the Lindi who is a real softie when it comes to ducks and rabbits.

&#42 No close family

Her next husband, she says, must be kind and preferably with no close family. Peoples families always put them off, says Lindi. "Even when I was young that was what happened when they found out what I did for a living – I only kept boyfriends for a week. I tried girlfriends and that was the same and in the end I just stuck to clients – some of them became real friends."

Now she is looking for companionship but with both partners keeping their independence. "Love would be a bonus but a girl with my history cant expect romance.

"If it is not love, you have to make a set of rules and that worked well with my first marriage," she explains

Lindi doesnt mind where in the country she lives and certainly in Herefordshire locals have not held her past against her. "Bad girls can become good girls," she says.

Lindi loves her ducks and the country life and wants to change roles from Miss Whiplash to Mrs Farmer.