5 April 2002

THE MUCK HEAP

A study in how to achieve

harmony in the

agricultural environment

By Cha Lee Flindt

A MUCKHEAP contains much energy. Many animals have spent hours chewing, digesting and passing wind to produce this precious commodity.

Low in Ying, high in Yang, but particularly rich in Poo and Pong, the manure represents the chi transfer from animal to plant.

Ensure the muckheap is stacked at the north east corner of the farm, where the prevailing south-westerly winds will minimise the Yuk from the Pong.

However, it is wise to avoid putting it too near that new executive housing development, less you provoke much bad energy from BMW drivers.

Good energy will arise from suggesting that said BMW drivers are welcome to help themselves to bagfuls of muck for their gardens, especially if you are on hand to extract BMW from immediate surrounds of muckheap, which are often very Soh Ghi.

Muckheaps have a mystical attraction for kids and dogs, especially springers. There is a warp in the space-time continuum around a muckheap that causes children and dogs to vanish from your side and instantly reappear in a puddle of effluent. Therefore it is wise to place the muckheap near facilities with clean clothes and hot baths (for toddlers) or a trough (for springers).

Always approach a muckheap wearing Well Lyes. Gloves or Mit Tens are also advisable to prevent bad vibes entering your body through the skin.