29 March 2002

THE TRACTOR BARN

A study in how to achieve

harmony in the

agricultural environment

By Cha Lee Flindt

CONSIDER the tractor barn, home for the hardest workers on the farm. Here the unsung heroes of agriculture rest and recuperate after countless hours of toil.

Colour and shape has a great influence over the peace and tranquillity of the barn. Choose wisely. Blue was once the most popular choice. Yellow can give a smooth life and green and square can mean a long life.

You want to avoid any colour and shape combination which results in wasted time while the tractor is QonQued out. Similarly, avoid any which bring Oill Liqs.

Corners of the barn often cause confusion and bewilderment, not only because they are dark and dirty, but also because this is where the farm oils are kept.

Trying to work out whether API-CC (MNIL-L-46152) oils can be used in situations where API-GL5 (MIL-L-2105 B) is recommended is enough to drive anyone Bong Kers. Achieve peace and harmony by buying universal oil and putting it everywhere. Except where Eepee Ninetee is needed, of course.

If the farm has many employees, ensure the barn has many gaps to let the air blow through. First to prevent negative stagnant energy build-up, and, second, to discourage over-long fag breaks.

Make your barn unwelcoming by using locks, bolts and vicious dogs. This helps to avoid rage and frustration that occurs when Mr Dodgy (known in some countries as Nik Itall) calls and, finding no one about, proceeds to lift everything liftable into a van.

Park your tractor considerately – imagine that you were being left in the barn all night. Make sure the door is shut, otherwise cats will leave little gifts like fleas and hairballs for you. In cold weather, be sure that jump leads can easily reach the battery and this will guarantee first-time starting and inner tranquility.