I’m sick of this outrageous slander! My poor local butcher, M Moen & Sons, in Clapham has the Daily Mail clucking its nose at the £32 price tag of his feed-range 120 day reared bird.

But never fear, The Daily Telegraph has sprung to the 4kg monster bird’s defence demonstrating it delivers excellent taste and a plethora of meals for a bargain average cost of £1.08.

Now after my proselytising in defence of Mr Moen’s birds I really should go and pick one up…after I win the £90million Euromillions jackpot tonight.