Farmer Focus Arable: Will Howe bemoans his rotten luck

It would appear that the full body wax, 10 litres of fake tan and gym membership were in vain.

Not only did I not win the Farmer’s Weekly Sexiest Farmer competition, but I wasn’t even entered by my adoring wife.

I’m looking forward to the Karaoke Farmer competition next as I believe my impression of Mika singing Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) should bring the crown home.

I don’t seem to be having much luck on the roads at the moment either. I have been involved in a minor collision in the truck and quite a serious one on the tractor, both as the innocent party.

As neither driver stopped, but the car which collided with the tractor won’t have got far, I can only assume they were both uninsured.

I thought my luck had gone from bad to worse when I received a letter from the Food Standards Agency wanting to do a primary producers inspection, without much guidance as to what they were looking for or at.

Well, we now know where some of the £277m the government haemorrhages on a daily basis goes.

The girl carrying out the inspection was delightful, but it was a farce. It was a toned down version of the ACCS inspection.

My main concern is if the FSA is keeping checks on the assured standard groups, then who is examining them? I can feel an inquiry or ombudsman coming on.

Unfortunately, we seem to burden ourselves with more regulation every time we disagree with government decisions.

The recent report into finding isoproturon (IPU) in the watercourses just shows that farmers will generally look out for their own personal interests before those of the wider agricultural community.

I was therefore interested to see how the NFU planned to unite an industry made up of such fiercely independent individuals at the conference last week.

• More columns from Will Howe

• More columns from other Arable Farmer Focus writers

See more