HERE ARE some of the more unusual and funny things the Farmers Weekly Farmer Focus writers had to say this year.
“What is starting to worry me now is, I actually enjoy the fear of an onerous exam paper. Sadistic or what?” Bumstead, Jan 7-13 – RE: BETA module exam.
“I received a text from the new drier at 12.05am on New Year’s day wishing me a happy new year…all it did was remind me of the negative margins of growing cereals last season.” Peddie, Jan 7-13
“I was happy to hear from advisers I can still increase my profits considerably. They told me I just should work more and harder. Most probably they meant I should work as hard as they do. What a horrible thought.” Von Schintling-Horny, Jan 28
“Arriving in the most beautiful country in the world I have been renamed the Zula name of ‘Inyanga yokunisa imvula’ – rain maker. South Africa welcomed the 25mm of rain a thunderstorm brought on my first night there.” Littleboy, Jan 28
“I’m suffering from information overload. With 10kg of farming reports, directives or consultative documents on my desk the quest for a summary of conclusions or list of significant points is like searching for the Holy Grail.” David Greasby (Mar 25)
“Surely it makes better sense to control burn plastics in smaller quantities rather than store in a huge heap and transport around the countryside?” Steve Bumstead (May 20)
“I have inflicted serious damage on our finances by buying a new combine.” John Jeffrey (Jun 3)
“The big issue is pollution.” Patrick Godwin (Jul 22)
“The Daleks running ACCS have, in their unique “you will comply” wisdom, decided to include the ill-conceived and shambolic National Sprayer Testing Scheme for harvest 2006.” (Jul 22)
“I could not believe my ears when the storeman started singing I’ve Got a Brand New Combine Harvester over the phone.” Matthew Dale (Jul 29)
“After a lot of debate we have decided to sell our Massey Ferguson 31 combine and use contractors next year.” Mark McFerran (Aug 5)
“The only complaint [about the new John Deere tractor] is the annoying bleep on the indicators, which, if I can’t remove it, I am going to batter into submission.” Matthew Dale (Aug 26)
“With our farming practice changing fairly dramatically over the last year I have been going through a process of deciding what machinery is not needed.” Mark McFerran (30 Sep)
“There may be no flies on me but our local town is having problems. Uncovered muck heaps on farms are blamed for significant fly infestations with no mention of refuse tips, allotment and garden compost heaps, locality limitations and proximity to the Rover Thames – the list goes on. Does anyone know how far a fly can fly?” David Greasby (7 Oct)
“At least I know how to get thrown out any particularly boring agriculturally related meeting – shout nonsense!” Kevin Littleboy (Oct 7)
“The last race of the day included a horse called Golden Promise after the malting barley. All the merchants were throwing their money at it, but not the farmers, who predicted correctly it would be an “also ran”.” John Jeffrey (21 Oct)
“The infamous Fearghus Jones returned to help from Penzance. I am glad to say he has short dreadlocks and no nose ring this year. He has entered the English property market and gone upmarket. His tent is massive compared with last year’s one-man shoebox size, and it had a porch as well. The ground rent nearly equalled his wages though.” Kevin Littleboy (4 Nov)
Keep an eye on FWi over the festive period to find out what our Farmer Focus writers had to say about a host of topics, including Harvest, Sugar Reform and the weather. On Monday, politics is the hot topic!