Students everywhere are buckling down (or are supposed to be buckling down) to revision. It’s an unavoidable and painful process, but one we all remember.
Everyone approaches it differently, but there are some constants that generations of school, college and university students have in common.
So, whether you’re studying for GCSEs, A levels, a HND or a degree, here are a few things inextricably associated with the whole endeavour.
We hope they strike a chord and provide a little relief from the grind.
And good luck with you exams.
First things first, whoever designed the universe made a critical mistake in terms of timing. Why make the long run-up to exams clash with lambing, spring drilling and calving on the family farm? Epic fail.
2 Snack attack
Your food and drink consumption increases threefold. Energy drink, anyone? No thanks, I’ve got two packets of Haribo and some Hobnobs.
It follows you around. It’s inescapable. Moments spent not revising, however necessary and legitimitate the activity, will be wrecked by great waves of guilt. Sleeping seems wrong. Even going to the toilet constitutes “downtime”.
4 The library
That building on the other side of the quad, you know the one – between the science lab and the college farm. Well that’s called a library and it’s full of books and you really should have popped in there during the year.
5 The plan
Forget your dissertation, forget the most complicated scientific paper you’ve ever read, forget that ridiculously complicated investment appraisal the old man did before he bought his new combine. The revision timetable you’ve created is a towering logistical masterpiece of which a Nato project manager would be proud.
Why is it that even the most boring tasks, both domestic and agricultural, can suddenly become compulsively desirable? Tidying your room – absolutely. Tidying the yard – bring it on. Frankly, you’d tidy the fridge if it’ll get you out of your animal physiology revision.
7 Design guru
In a bid to make them take longer and therefore allow you to do fewer, any diagrams you draw will be complicated, embellished affairs. In terms of artistic ambition, you rival Gainsborough or Caravaggio (the art history students will know all about them!), but in terms of the end result they’ll look like they’ve been drawn by a short-sighted person who’s had too much cider.
8 Highlighter pens
Bet you’ve bought them in bulk, haven’t you? As a perennially popular item of stationery, their only competition in terms of making you feel organised is the humble Post-it note.
9 It’s going to be fine
Your brain soaks up information like a big, beautiful sponge. You read, you absorb, you know. You are a genius. You will pass with flying colours. Elation.
10 It’s going to be a disaster
None of it is sinking in. You’ve forgotten everything. You’ll fail. Despair.
There’s nothing more infuriating than people telling you exams have got easier. *Insert your own expletive here*