Last Thursday evening I sat with a bunch of lost souls just washed in from Salthouse on the North Norfolk coast discussing the financial predicament over a pint of Suffolk’s best.

It seemed to us that if a shingle bank stopping Salthouse being washed into the sea is worth less than a banker’s pension, then we’d better all learn to swim.

Half the Norfolk coast is being washed away faster than the banks’ share prices, yet bucketloads of money are being thrown at an intractable problem with no clue as to the outcome.

As my old ploughman used to say: “Some fields are best left to dry out.”

There have been hints of spring recently, sufficient to produce a haze over ploughed land and generate enough excitement to see spring barley drilled and fertiliser spread, though I preferred to bathe in the brief, but welcome sunshine.

There is even the odd sugar beet drill hitched up and displayed within sight of the road. But on the whole this is just to wind up the neighbours.

Our intention is to spread our nitrogen input over a longer period and so splitting doses previously applied as one, especially on some of the backward and poorly-rooted crops.

UK-produced ammonium nitrate may be a wonderful product, but having had my loyalty abused last year it will take something special for me to get it back again.

Perhaps if GrowHow were to put some of my wealth that is now theirs into badly-needed independent agricultural research I might change my mind. Either way I need something back for them to get me back.

PS. I think everyone who works for the RPA is hard working, generous, warm hearted and good looking. Now may I have my single farm payment, please?

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