June 2010 Archives

I received the following missive from our delphinium concessionaire in Stamford

Dear Mr Naylor

The delphiniums are selling well, people are astounded when i tell them that they are grown outdoors and in The Fens.

The most popular colour is the dusky pink, or rose as i believe you call it. The one you like the least, the one you think people won't buy.

The slowest selling are the deep blue, strange.

Several people have suggested I show you the Farrow and Ball paint chart, so that you might grow something that works against a wall painted in "String".

Would you find this useful?

Yours in a sea of blue, because all the dusky ones have gone.

Miss Pickering

My response is thus

Dearest Ms Picklin'

I have been to Stamford.  I have overheard such talk.

"Greengrocer, do you have strawberries that are a less vulgar shade of red?"

"I have been searching everywhere to find a cucumber to match my Fired Earth tablecloth."

Oh that Mother Nature possessed your Farrow & Ball paint chart. 

I am a simple farmer.  It is not for me to question matters as subjective as colour.  I grow what I can and sell the bits that the slugs haven't eaten.

Yours

Mr Naylor Jnr

The HSE have reported that accidental deaths on British farms have gone up from 25 in 2008/2009 to 35.

This is a two and a half times greater in percentage terms than accidents in construction, apparently.

"But we work two two and a half times greater hours in farming" I hear you say

You have a point; very few people get killed by an extended tea break.  I do not like your flippancy, however. 

It is important that we get to grips with the root causes of the issue.  Most of the large businesses with whom we deal have very robust H&S policies in place.  We are not allowed to deliver flowers into any site now unless the driver is wearing a hi-visibility jacket.

This is not necessarily the sort of action that we need in agriculture.  A hi-viz vest won't stop you from getting dragged into a baler or protect you if you knock out an RSJ in a shed.

I suggest that there are three main root causes to an increase in farm accidents.

1    More lone working by business owners.  They have no help in an accident

2    Unrealistic price pressure.  We rush to do too much, too quickly

3    Under-investment in technology.  We have a highly-mechanised industry but our engineering is less sophisticated than in other sectors.  Many farmers dangerously modify their own equipment for specific applications and very few farmers can afford to design and equip a production process in one go.

Maybe you can think of some more reasons.  It is nonsense to say that farmers should try to have less accidents.  Accidents, by their nature, are unplanned and unwanted.  We need to look at the real reasons that our industry is carrying this tragic burden.

Yesterday, I was in a grumpy frame of mind.  (you can sing that to the tune of the Beatles song if you like, I am doing).

You may have deduced that I was moody from the very matter of fact way that I wrote yesterday's blog entry.  That's always the clue.

Today, however, I am chipper.  You never know what you are getting with me - I'm unstable like that.

I don't know why I'm so happy because today's job is to update my boring sales ledger spreadsheet and I have our AP, LEAF Marque and Nature's Choice audits in a few minutes (actually, I do know why I'm happy - I'm just not telling you).

I decided that I couldn't possibly cope with 3 audits without a decent cup of coffee and so I went to the local supermarket on the way back from the Post Office.

I always shop on impulse and never take a bag with me.  I felt guilty and bought a "Bag for Life" yet again.

I said to the lady on the till that (and here comes the funny) "I've got enough Bags for Life to last a lifetime"

Oh how we laughed.

We are coming to the end of the current crop of delphiniums and it has been a monster year.  We have several flowers in coldstore from the weekend to go towrads  this week's orders and will still be harvesting until the end of the week. 

There should be another batch ready in about ten weeks which just gives us time to concentrate on harvesting the daffodil bulbs.

As a final fling we are working on a delphinium promotion with my friend Simone (or, as she prefers to be known, "the creative force behind the Miss Pickering brand.")

She is only stocking our delphiniums in her shop in Stamford for an entire week.

The problem with English flowers (indeed all English fresh produce) is that they are only available for relatively short spells.  When they are, however, they are available in abundance.  We are showcasin', my friends.

 You will be able to follow the excitement here and here.  (Much as I am looking forward to the maelstrom, I have delegated all of the donkey work).

"It's the World Cup" he said. "That's why flowers aren't selling very well"

I had never heard of this phenomenon before.  It reputedly happens every four years.

Personally I find it pretty hard to believe that the average football fan - I'm thinking a Fosters-drinking, football-shirted fatknacker in a white van with an England flag on the top (Hi Caroline, if you are reading this) - is the same demographic as my delphinium shopper in Waitrose.

We grow flowers for multiple retailers.  I have to keep reminding myself of this.  We are a wholesale business.

I get a lot of phone calls from florists, flower arrangers, brides etc who want to buy flowers directly from us.  I try to resist these sales; they eat so much time.  Now I mostly only do it for friends.

I am a one-man sales team.  I have a lot of stuff to sell and it is much easier if I can sell it a trailer-load at a time.  I have to be careful not to get into converstaions about "what shade of blue is it?" when someone only wants to buy 50 stems.  I would never get home in the evening, I never get to eat my dinner until 9.00pm as it is.  I particularly dread it if someone arrives with a ribbon that they want to colour match.  We have to store our flowers in the dark and the whole episode becomes laughably annoying.  I once had a woman crying down the phone because the flowers were "the wrong pink."  THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN.

Yesterday I had a call from Conde Nast Bride magazine who said that they wanted to feature our flowers in their magazine.  This sounds flattering.  I am a weak and vain man; usually I will do anything if I am given some praise. 

It quickly became evident that what they actually wanted was free flowers and not a ten page feature on me.  I also have to be careful not to advertise in areas that will bring business that I don't want.  My cynicism is increasing as I get older.  Over the years I have spent a lot of time faffing about doing other people's work without getting paid; it is hard enough to make a profit in the flower industry as it is.

The thing is, life is more fun if you say yes to things.  My life has been more straight-forward since I became cynical, it has also become more boring.  I agreed to find some flowers for the magazine.

I'm growing cynical. 

I have stopped making an effort with our customers.  Yesterday we had the Waitrose flower team to visit. Once I would have made sure that the office was hoovered and that there were chocolate biscuits on offer.  Yesterday I didn't even have a shave (I had been working like A Trojan all day and was probably a bit whiffy under the arms too). 

Don't think that I'm taking their custom for granted (the under-arm spicyness was down to all the effort we are making to turn out great flowers).  These days I am much happier to be judged on my products than my personal appearance.  This is what happens to farmers as they get older. The better they get at farming; the more tramp-like they become.

Luckily Wooster put on the charm.  He brushed his hair and put on some cologne.  He was a wow with the Waitrose girls.  I have promoted him to Head of Public Relations.  Here he is doin' his thang (I think that he is licking his lips because he has just eaten a shoe).

I was braced for a bit of pain but two of my greatest fears happened in today's budget.  They will both have a devastating impact on our business.

The rise in VAT from 17.5% to 20% is a pain for the cut flower industry. Most flowers sell at rigid price points of 99p, £1.99, £3.99...you get the picture.  I am nervous that the price increases will have to be absorbed somewhere in the supply chain. 

Our delphiniums retail at £5.99 in most supermarkets (and I get less than a third of that amount) the increase in VAT will amount to 15p per bunch.  I can guarantee that next year's retail price will not be £6.14.  It will either be £5.99 or £6.99 (and we wouldn't get half as many sales at the higher figure).  If this is transferred into my business it could equate to a 10% price cut

My other annoyance is that Annual Investment Allowance is being cut from £100 000 to £25 000. 

Under the old rate we were able to claim tax relief on machinery investments up to £100 000.  This was a pretty good incentive to maintain a programme of investment in new equipment. It is effectively an £18 000 lump sum for every progressive farm in the UK.  The rate cut will be devastating for the agricultural machinery industry.

I was resigned to the fact that there would be some pain.  There are very few manufacturring industries left in this country and someone has to bear the financial burden of our parlous economy, it is sad that we never saw the benefits during the so-called "boom years."

If you go here you can see a webcam of Britain's oldest osprey. 

I have been having a look at it while I invoice today's flower orders. 

There hasn't been any time for bloggin.'  I've had flowers to sell. 

For the last few years I haven't had to put too much effort into selling our delphiniums.  The demand for them had been greater than our supply and so I was able to simply dispatch them to my customers at a price agreed at the start of the season.

The problem with under-supplying your market is that you can never read how great the actual market demand is for your product.  Last year we knew that we could sell more, we just didn't know how much more.

This year we have managed to satisfy the demand of both of our main customers much more quickly than we expected to.  A combination of factors (expanded acreage, a late season, ample rainfall and improved agronomy) have meant that we have produced a lot more flowers than usual and in a shorter time frame.  Unfortunately the cut flower market is not especially buoyant at the moment.  Retail prices have risen a bit in the last couple of years and consumers have noticeably tightened their belts. 

This means that I have had to go back on my arrogant maxim of "I do marketing, not sales" and have had to get out and find some new customers. 

There is a big challenge to producing for multiple retailers, especially producing non-commodity crops.  They dominate the market in terms of volume but their purchasing is largely based on computerised modelling and they plan product lines a long way in advance.  It is hard to make promotions happen on the spur of the moment (particularly when every other cut flower grower wants to promote their own products.  The rest of the fresh produce chain (wholesale markets and independent retailers) is very fragmented and difficult to suplly efficiently.

This is why I haven't been blogging for you.  I've rolled up my sleeves to do a bit of barrow boy trading (I'm using Cockerney rhyming slang and everything.)  I've managed to keep the flowers moving I'm secretly quite enjoying it.

I am chuffed that Richard Macdonald has been appointed by the government to get his teeth into "red tape."

He is a splendid choice.  I like to think of him as the next incarnation of "Uncle" Don Curry, a bit like when The Doctor gets a new face on Doctor Who.

Richard's retirement was a great loss to the NFU and I am pleased to see that his great brain, level head and industry knowledge are being put to good use.

Unlike a lot of these populist iniatives, I hope that this time something actually unhappens

(6.5 out of 10)

I don't like to boast or anything but I've just found out that I am the most powerful man in the universe.

I control the weather.  That's my job.

On Sunday I did my laundry and filled my washing line with white clothing to allow it to dry (I think that tumble dryers are evil so are the climate-change deniers who use them).  Guess what?  It started raining with immediate effect and pretty much carried on raining until I took it off the line to re-wash it on Tuesday night.

The forecast for Wednesday was for a wet day so I went to work in wellies and hung the laundry on the clothes airer in the utility room. (I know you come here for the endless entries with graphic explanations about my laundry - that's why the blog is called Mouth of the Wash.) 

Yesterday, however, was a glorious day.  The ground was dry by 9.00am and I was walking around the yard in my wellies feeling hot and looking a bit special.

Ignore the weather forecasts; my actions are what control the weather.

Let me know what you fancy tomorrow.  We have some blight spraying to do so I could do you a good deal on some wind.

(That title is an 8 out of 10 and I'm a low marker.  It's a good title, trust me)

I had a meetin' with someone yesterday in my office.  I get bored in meetin's.  You know this already; I have a short attention span.

I tend to fiddle with things when I get bored.  It's instinctive, I guess it's to stop my hands from mimin' a yawn like emu used to do.

I started fiddlin' with my pen for a start.  I like you to get a good visual impression of the story  so bear in mind that I had a stern and fascinated expression on my face (my performance was tragically just a bit too late for a BAFTA award). 

My hands got bored with the pen and started fiddlin' with the seat.

Basically I pulled on the seat adjuster and suddenly plummeted a foot so that my chin was an inch from the desk.  It was like doin' a bungee jump.  I looked a right idiot.

I don't know why I'm tellin' you this

5 out of ten for that blog title.

Terry Leahy has announced that he will be leaving Tesco in March next year.  Knowing when to leave an enormously successful career is a difficult decision.  Leahy is only in his mid-fifties but it is better to leave with dignity and receiving gratitude than it is to cling doggedly to power (btw how is that retirement suiting you, Gordon?)

Whatever your views about the rise of Tesco, no one could ever say that Leahy has been crap at his job.  He has been phenomenally effective as a chief executive.  Undoubtedly, though, the pinnacle of his success was coming 3rd in the Rear of the Year competition in 2006 (first place that year went to the black bottom of Ian Wright). 

Sometimes leadership changes can be a tipping point for a business; I certainly wouldn't want to be following in Leahy's footsteps (I haven't the time anyway, I'm trying to toilet train a puppy for goodness sake).

His successor is actually going to be Philip Clarke. 

"What?" you say.  "THE Philip Clarke?  Philip Clarke who edits Poultry World?  Philip Clarke off of Phil Clarke's Business Blog (or BizBlo, as we call it in trade)?"

Yep.  That's the man

Whilst I am shocked and saddened by the terrible gun crimes committed in Cumbria this week, do not agree with the calls for change to our gun laws .  We already have very stringent regulations concerning the ownership of firearms and Derrick Bird appeared to hold his guns legally. 

It seems, from the reports that I have read, that one of the main triggers for this episode was Bird's arrears to the Inland Revenue.  I have not heard anyone suggesting that income tax should therefore be cut.

The burst of sunshine over the last few days has made the flowers grow and we are harvesting delphiniums in reasonable volumes at last.  The season is running about one week later than usual - it seems as though none of our crops have properly caught up from the cold, late Spring.  We have had a few months of high expenditure establishing this year's crops so it is a relief to have something to sell again.  

We have revamped our flower bunching line and it seems to be running smoothly.  All of the flower cropping team know what to do without me interferring but I still like to be around to keep an eye on things.  This is why I am in the office on a Sunday morning. 

Sundays can be useful to get some jobs done without the disruption of visitors or telephone calls.  I have managed to tidy my desk and dealt with a heap of correspondence. 

Anyway. I started typing this to tell you about my white board.  I have a giant "wipe-clean" board on the office wall where I write down all the tasks that need doing.  It's a good prompt if anyone gets a spare half an hour and wonders what to do next.  As you would expect from me it is colour-coded.  My jobs are written in blue, engineering and maintenance jobs are written in red and jobs which anyone can do are written in green.  I also have a purchasing and sales list written in black.

Obviously the jobs come and go frequently but there is nothing more satisfying than to wipe things off when they are completed.  The board was looking over-whelmingly crammed with colour a couple of weeks ago but this morning you can see quite a few patches of white.

I struggle to contain as much information in my head as I once could.  I'm not sure if this is because the business is bigger, life is more complicated, senility is setting in or whether I have just clogged my brain up with song lyrics from the 1980's.  This is why the board is so useful.  The fact that it is large and screwed to a wall means that I can't lose it either.

I realised that it is a bit like a memory stick for me. I can download all the managements thoughts as they occur to me to keep my brain a bit clearer.  Maybe I should get another board to write 80's song lyrics on so that I can free up even more megabytes.

"..she said after lovin' me she could never love another"   Any guesses?

I bloomin' love Ken Morrison.

Check out what he said about Dalton Philips, the new boy running his supermarket chain

 "I like the look of him. He's a family fellow, has settled in York and looks pretty healthy"

Check out the full article here.

I didn't tell you his name, did I?

He's called Wooster