May 2008 Archives

The Great Lorenzo will be making his debut at the Great Yorkshire Show this year.

I'm reliably informed that, with his dozen horses, he creates a spectacular equestrian display - even if the name Lorenzo makes me think of a pizza or a small family car.

Around the showground there will be exhibits as varied as 150 years of bridal fashion and 150 years of farming.

There are a host of special attractions planned to celebrate the 150th show. The Queen and The Duke of Edinburgh will be present on the Thursday.

More than 120,000 visitors are expected to visit the Show, which takes place between July 8 and July 10 at Harrogate.

I get the acronyms that estate agents and dating agencies use muddled up (not that I'm an expert on either, you understand).

I always think, for example, that GSOH is something to do with gas central heating (in fact it refers to 'good sense of humour', whereas GCH means the other. Are you keeping up here?)

Anyway, I know a few people who do online dating and they swear by it. And those nice people at Muddy Matches are now working with FW to spread some companionship and luuurvvvee in the countryside.

I might be a bit of a market geek, but I know very little about sheep.

I know they die a lot and escape a lot and don't make farmers a lot of money and that they taste nice with mint sauce, but that's about as far as it goes. I certainly wouldn't say they're things of beauty (I'm resisting the temptation to go off on a rude tangent here!)

But some people do find them beautiful - so much so, in fact, that there's a book been written on this very subject.

Two things I hate are squirrels and chihuahuas.

As a result, I find this picture very disturbing. Very disturbing ideed.

Remember the fantastic artist Jackie Spurrier?

Well you can see some of her work at two exhibitions which run until June 8.

We've had grown men hurling themselves down a hill and a cat that's become a stationmaster.

Whatever next - a smiling bee?

Bad news. I now receive my copy of Country Life on a Wednesday, rather than a Thursday.

Wednesday's one of my busiest days - so this isn't good. I spend a big part of it in a grump, having had to look at all those lovely houses that I'll never be able to afford.

I'm considering putting on a low offer on this one.

When I say 'low', I obviously mean about 10% of the asking price. You never know - it's supposed to be a buyer's market at the moment.

After my brief bloodthirsty spell, here's the nice soft cuddly story I promised you. A cat that's become a station-master. Life is strange!

I'm a bit of a livestock market geek.

Sad, I know, but I used to write about livestock prices - so I've visited scores in my time. I like the atmosphere at them - the sense of banter and camaraderie between the farmers and the buyers.

Darlington market has a particularly place in my affections (now I am sounding really sad) because I spent a year living in the town. So I was pleased to see it's won a court battle after locals objected to the noise...

Five things:

1 Countryman Ranulph Fiennes didn't make it up Everest.

2 I've had no reply from Mariella Frostrup (she's probably too busy berating men at Hay).

3 I'm worried I'm becoming a little bloodthirsty as I seem to have written lots recently about different ways to kill animals and eat them. Sorry if it's been a bit too much - I'll make more of an effort to be nice and soft and cuddly in future...

4 Speaking of gore, Nutmeg has just killed her first bird. There was blood and guts and feathers all over the kitchen. I was so proud...

5. The fonts are playing up on this blog.

I've talked ferrets before - principally answering the questions people always ask me when they hear I used to keep them.

And there's some good ferreting stuff over here on James Marchington's blog...

Talking of Hugh F-W, I see he's got a nice recipe for pigeon.

I wonder if there is anything the man in question wouldn't eat?

PS: Field Day readers of a certain age may recognise that headline from a tv show. Answers on a postcard please...

This guy could be onto something - Winston the Singing Farmer.

An arable farmer from Norfolk, Winston's family entertainment of song, comedy and merriment is based upon his life on the farm and in the country, with just a whiff on nostalgia of how life in the country was.
 
He'll be at, among other places, the Suffolk Show, the Royal Norfolk Show and the Great Yorkshire.

Aka 'the Voice of East Anglia', Winston also appears in theatres and clubs around the UK.

Just seen John Craven on Countryfile. Don't know what it is about him, but he annoys me. Maybe I haven't ever forgiven him for the time he and his cronies tried to move me on at the Royal Show, because they reckoned I was standing in the way of where they were trying to film.

And then there's Mariella Frostrup. She's annoyed me. She's even made me turn off the Sky coverage of Hay, as she's made me abandon listening to one of my once-favourite Radio shows, Open Book. Why does she insist on turning every interview - whoever the interviewee, whatever the subject - into an anti-man rant? I've even just emailed her to have a moan, but I'm not holding my breath for a reply.

Anyway, I digress. This is supposed to be a blog about country life. I'll be writing about poetry soon at this rate! 

On a more serious note, there's an interesting piece about food prices and conservation in today's Observer.

And how's this for an unfortunate irony. When I opened the Observer's website to find the article, having read it first in the paper, guess who was staring out at me from an advert on the top right hand side of the page. Yes, you guessed: Mariella Frostrup!

Speaking of squirrels, this picture never fails to make me laugh.

My friend Robert took it. It'll be the last time that little devil plays on the power lines. Here's the full story.

In other squirrel news (and that's not something you hear said every day, is it) here's a gun-toting squirrel and an albino one.

It's a funny old world!

So, little Squirrel Nutkin is toast. Well, pasties, to be precise.

Here are my friends Caroline and Disco Stu demonstrating how to make squirrel pasties.

Here's the full recipe.

Thanks to Field Day reader Jack who emailed me after I mentioned Raymond Carver to say that lots of fine poets have been fisherman. He pointed to Ted Hughes, highlighting in particular the poem Pike. 

I was given a stuffed pike for a 21st birthday present. Taxidermists, I found out at the time, get upset if you use the word 'stuffed' - they prefer 'mounted'.

There again, 'birders' don't like to be called 'twitchers' but no one listens to them...

Something else for those who are wanting something earthy and manly after my foray into poetry. News and pictures of shiny big machines at the Grassland and Muck Event 2008. Such a glamorous-sounding gig!

OK, then, this is a bit more earthy and manly.

Having recently written about the Northumberland farmer who won the North Pole race and the land agent who trekked to the south pole, I hear today that Sir Ranulph Fiennes left base camp yesterday to begin a charity climb of Everest. The 64-year-old hopes to reach the summit on Saturday.

As you know, I'm not one to name drop (it's positively ages since I've seen my old friend Clarissa Dickson Wright) but I met Ranulph once. I was actually interviewing his late wife, Ginny, who was a farmer and he dropped in to say hello.

He was a nice bloke - and it's one hell of a name: Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes.

This is great. A piece in today's Independent about villages with embarassing names.

I think I might move to Prickwillow...

I'm going to get in trouble with the boss at this rate (I can sense a 'No more poetry - Ed' note winging its way to me) but I dug out that Raymond Carver book I mentioned yesterday evening. The poem is called The Kitchen and here's the extract I was talking about:

I hung around the pond a long time
(the same pond that'd take my friend a year later),
once in a while catching a glimpse of my bobber,
now here, now there. Shadows grew fat
and dropped from trees into the pond. Finally
it was dark, and I biked home.
My dad was drunk
and in the kitchen with a woman not his wife,
nor my mother either

I also happened across one of his poems I haven't read for years called Hummingbird, which is possibly the most romantic eight lines ever written.

Anyway, anough poetry. Now for something more earthy. And manly....

Duffy the black lab continues to grow and, like all self-respecting puppies, continues to be into absolutely everything - particularly wellies and dishwashers.

Fishing and cricket fans will love this. A short recording of Christopher Martin-Jenkins 'corpsing on air after making an unfortunate fishing analogy on Test Match Special (I love fishing but, with the exception of golf and Formula 1, cricket is possibly the most boring pursuit on earth).

As 'corpsing' goes, I still reckon the best one ever is the delightful Charlotte Green on Radio 4's Today show. I defy anybody to listen to that and not find themself smiling...

There was me, glossing over our lack of fish at the NFU Fly Fishing day (lack of local knowledge, bad weather, unsuitable flies etc) and my friend Phil goes and blows my story out of the water (geddit?) with a write-up about how well some of the others did. Bugger.

I could, I suppose, talk about the monster trout I had on briefly, but I lost it...

Trouble is, 'the one that got away' stories are boring, so I won't.

The only person who can do 'one that got away' interestingly is Raymond Carver (pictured).

If you don't know him, he's an American writer (he died in the 1990s) who just got fishing.

One of my favourite pieces of work of his is a story called Nobody Said Anything, which is about two boys who catch a huge fish by hand. It perfectly captures the sense of excitement boys have about fishing (it also has, like a lot of Carver's work, a dark undertone).

He also wrote a poem (I think it's called The Kitchen but I'll need to check when I go home tonight) about a boy who loses his rod to a huge fish. The sense of disappointment is palpable...

If you've never read Carver, try him: he's a fabulous writer. If you're not interested in writing, apologies for the digression!

Horticulture is big news this week, as it's the Chelsea Flower Show.

I'm not patient enough to make a good gardener - but I do like looking at nice gardens when somebody else has done all the graft.

I last went to Chelsea three years ago (the Flower Show, that is, not to see the football team - it was about six years ago when I last did that) and loved it - although it seemed as much about design and architecture as gardening and, like everything else these days, it was rather hijacked by celebrities.

Anyway, if you're interested, there's lots of coverage around today about the Show, which opens to the public tomorrow.

The Times has a variety here, while if you want to see a short clip of designer Arabella Lennox-Boyd have a look here (she sounds like a female Prince Charles!) and for the official show site, have a gander here.

Meanwhile my battle with the slugs in my small and rather unimpressive garden continues...

Remember Farmers Weekly's agony uncle Farmer Frank? Well it appears the old goat has become something of an internet star.

He's had a Facebook Appreciation Group set up about him, having become famous answering readers' queries in his own inimitable, unhelpful and often rude way.

Now I'm a bit of a greenhorn when it comes to these things (I've only had Facebook explained to me in the last year of so) but the group, which "shows support for - and celebrates - our dear friend Frank", already has more than 70 members.

Frank has made his name dispensing homespun wisdom on all manner of country matters - whether it's health issues, affairs of the heart, cash topics or more practical agricultural enquires.

He's ruffled a few feathers along the way. After all, this fictional therapist is not qualified, not experienced and, according to some, not all there. But many love the no-nonsense (well, not entirely nonsense) advice of this lovable old rogue.

Today is the first day of National Vegetarian Week.

I'm going to be celebrating this important occasion by tucking into a nice steak and chips.

I've just read something that's made me smile. In fact, it's made me doubly happy.

Not only is Field Day put top of the list of the UK's countryside and rural blogs, but it's a whole nine places - yes, nine - above Mr Naylor. Ha!

Obviously Sally - who writes the Rural Diaries blog - is a woman of great discernment and taste (even if her comment that I should write more was reminiscent of the "must try harder" comments that used to pepper my schoolwork!)

On a serious note, I often visit all the blogs she mentions - so they're all well worth a look.

Her post, incidentally, about the local pub being full of ex's is hilarious (and you say I'm a gossip, Sally!)

I told you there were 'days' for just about everything.

Plans have now been announced for the first Traditional Cumberland Sausage Day to celebrate Cumbria's favourite sausage and support the campaign to protect it from poor quality imitations.

Congratulations to the Cold Beef team in this year's Polar Challenge race to the Magnetic North Pole.

The team, which included Northumberland farmer Jamie Wood, has won the event.

Jamie spent a year preparing for the 350 mile race and crossed the finish line first beating off against competitors from all over the world including Taiwan, France, China and New Zealand.

The 'Cold Beef' team dodged polar bears, lemmings and musk ox, battled with temperatures that dipped to minus 40 degrees centigrade and skied for up to 18 hours a day before pitching their tents on the ice.

"It hasn't really sunk in that we have won yet," says Jamie, 28. "We arrived at the finish line in good time and it was great to be welcomed by everyone there."

The photograph (l to r) shows Paul Moxham, Jamie Wood and Angus King.

This is the sort of thing I was envisaging.

First, a warning.

If you're offended by fruity language, don't click on this link. If you are unfazed by the odd F-word (and let's face it, you can't go far without hearing it these days) then this short video clip is hilarious.

It's a comical take by David Mitchell (of tv's Mitchell and Webb fame) on the subject of farming.

No, that headline isn't a blatant attempt to snag search engine traffic - it's a legitimate question.

I'm conscious that I worry too much about the stupidest things. I worry about it a lot, in fact, which merely reinforces the point.

One of the many things that winds me up, for example, is when people use the word 'cow' generically.

Now I know in the great scheme of things - when set against things like earthquakes, floods and the Aids crisis - this is unimportant. Why then does it get my goat so much?

It's niggled me again, having read another story on the BBC about the massive bullock which I reported on earlier.

The opening paragraph, which refers to it as a bullock, also goes on call it a cow. It can't be both - and if it's a bullock it's quite obviously not a cow.

Seeing as we're on the subject of lookalikes, here's another one.

The Queen and a pink hyacinth.

Times are tough for thatchers, it seems, according to this article in yesterday's Times.

This is a lovely painting.

It's by artist Angela Davidson who, while travelling one day from her home near Insch to Elgin, called into Kennieshillock Farm, Lhanbryde, and asked if she could take photos of their Charolais bull.

"The bull, Harestone Tyrol, is a monster; just what I was looking for," says Angela.

A pair of the world's fastest birds - peregrine falcons - have set up home in Worcester, reports The Independent.

The local Tourist Information office must be smiling all the way to the bank.

I reckon they'd be worth a look - unlike that pathetic little black thingy that popped up on the beach in Norfolk.

We've had Two Ton Tony and other outlandishly large cattle (including one in a car) and now it's Chilli - the tallest bovine in Britain.

The Friesian bullock is 6ft 6in tall at the shoulder and weighs well over a tonne. Described as a "gentle giant", he lives at the Ferne Animal Sanctuary in Somerset.

"We don't know what has made him so tall," says the sanctuary's manager, Naomi Clarke. "He doesn't eat that much. Chilli's feet and head are in proportion; he is just very large."

You can say that again. According to The Daily Telegraph (who have a nice photo of him here) balancing the nine-year-old animal on a set of scales would need 16 St Bernard dogs; 12 newborn elephants; five adult gorillas; or 1.5 Smart cars. He could provide 5,510 eight ounce steaks.

The sanctuary is trying to get Chilli in the Guinness book of World Records.

More YFC japes.

The contingent from Bedfordshire tried to see how mnay people they could get in a phone box. Eight, apparently. Thanks to Lisa Botsford for sending it.

Since his barbed comment about my cat making a suicide attempt as a result of having read my blog, I feel obliged to point this out.

There is an uncanny similarity between blogger Matthew Naylor and the character Max on Hollyoaks.

Naylor:

Max:

More photos below:

Here's something I bet you didn't know. That guy off the tv show The Apprentice, Nick Hewer (one of Alan Sugar's henchmen!) collects vintage tractors.

I told you squirrel was going to make a comeback. Not as a popular species, obviously, but as a meal.

This article in yesterday's Observer highlights the trend - and explains how to make squirrel pasties.

This will please my friend Robert no end.

Forget the egg four times normal size.

What about a horse 33 times lifesize? It's one of the ideas under consideration for a new landmark in Kent - the south of England's equivalent of the Angel of the North.

As a 'man of Kent' (the term for those people born to the east of the River Medway; a 'Kentish Man' conversely is how those coming from the west of the river are referred to), I think I'm qualified to be critical of the county of my birth.

So I reckon a stolen car, a wall covered with graffiti or a pair of giant hoop earrings might sum the region up better!

First it's the giant ostrich egg, now news reaches me of a chicken egg that's four times as big as normal.

I bet laying it made the poor hen's eyes water!

Gordon Ramsay talks a lot of sense.

He’s a classic Alpha male (watching him makes me worry I’m too much in touch with my feminine side) and he swears a lot (even by my standards) but his latest idea sounds good.

I missed this programme with Clarissa Dickson Wright earlier this week. Anyone see it?

I simply love the photo of the sheep at the bottom of the post on the Getting Stiched on the Farm blog in America. Strangely real-looking!

I just knew this was going to happen.

A couple of people have already given me a stern telling off about my earlier blog post, claiming I was putting the cat in danger.

Now I can sort of see why - because I'm always perplexed when I see images taken on mobile phones of train crashes and burning buildings.

I mean, surely normal people react to witnessing an emergency by thinking 'Can I do anything to help?' rather than 'Can I get a photo on some rubbish TV news channel?'

But let me reiterate. The cover was tightly on the razor. The cat was never in any danger. No creatures were harmed in the making of that blog post.

I often get sent photos of weddings involving farm machinery!

This one came from proud mum Amanda Birdsall, whose daughter Amy recently got married to Andrew Platt. He arrived on this.

Forget the naked man village, it's the Chilterns that actually offer the best quality of country life, according to new research.

Now our coverage of the Young Farmers jamboree is drawing to a close, normal service can resume.

And what better way to signal a return to business as usual than by baiting that cat-hating farmer Matthew Naylor with a cutesy picture.

I hope I'm not going to be in trouble with the RSPCA for pet neglect or anything. The cover was on the razor!

Tim writes:

Five things that I keep remembering from the weekend.

Tim writes:

Our videos from the Young Farmers bash are all on done. I enjoyed presenting one. Don't think I'm destined for a career with the BBC though. You can watch them here.

Caroline writes...

We've made it back from the YFC agm in Blackpool, and I have to say there are some sorry-looking members of the Farmers Weekly team this morning.

Adding to the toll of three days of late nights (or early mornings), Faisal, Paul and I have caught a cold, which Isabel reckons came from dirty pint glasses (we don't know what she's talking about though, we didn't touch a drop all weekend...).

It was my first time in Blackpool for the agm, and I had a brilliant time. Thanks to all of the young farmers we met who made our weekend so hilarious.

There are so many things I could mention here, but here are a few of my highlights:

Tim writes:

Young Farmers, right now, are making their way home from Blackpool to all corners of England and Wales.

It’s been a good year numbers-wise, attracting more than 5000, which is higher than for a few years.

The fact that it was taking place over a bank holiday weekend was one factor, as was the location (Blackpool seems more popular with a lot of delegates than Torquay).

Of course, it’s still a lot fewer than years ago when - as FW photographer (Jonathan, the old one!) - will tell you there was nearer 10,000 people there. The Isle of Man and Minehead are two venues he often speaks about.

It also might be symptomatic of something more positive – that times are getting better in agriculture and people are more able to afford a trip away like this.

Return to Field Day home page.

More YFC news, photos and videos.

Tim writes:

Young Farmers have always been good at mixing the serious and the fun, and this weekend’s Agriculture and Rural Affairs forum is a case in point.

It attracted some really high-profile speakers – NFU vice president Meurig Raymond and CLA president Henry Aubrey-Fletcher among them.

‘Rural living’ and ‘Blue Skies Thinking’ were two of the topics under discussion, with the delegates breaking into groups. It was a great chance for Young Farmers to make their opinions known and have their voices heard.

I got to chat to (and as you know I’m not one to name drop!) the Shadow Agriculture Minister Jim Paice – who, incidentally, had been a Young Farmer himself.

He speaks incredibly highly of the organisation and doubts he’d be where he is today had he not developed the skills and confidence he did when he was a member.

He seemed in a very good mood – but I suppose after Friday’s local council election you can’t blame him!

Return to Field Day home page.

YFC news, photos and video.

Isabel writes:

...Peter Kay’s Is This The Way To Amarillo? Rubbish song. Too loud. Not what I wanted to hear over my poached eggs.

Go to Field Day home page.

See our news, photos and vidoes from the YFC covention.

Tim writes:

I'm in the Wintergardens (the location for most of the Young Farmer related activity this weekend) and thought I'd just take advantage of a free plug socket to quickly type up a story as my laptop battery is dead.

Some wag (and I didn't see which club he was with) has just tossed me a 20p piece and told me to go and get myself a cup of tea.

His mate said it was the first time he had ever seen a homeless person with a laptop.

Young Farmer humour at its best!

To go back to the Field Day homepage
Visit the YFC news, photos and video page

Isabel writes:

You've got to love McDonalds. Not only do they serve burgers but they also offer free wireless internet access.

So I've just spent a productive hour in there uploading to FWiSpace the first of the pictures to our YFC picture gallery. See anyone you recognise?

Return to the Field Day homepage to read other blog posts from the Young Farmers agm

Visit our news, video and photo page for more on the Young Farmers

Isabel writes:

Overheard at breakfast:

Someone explaining that they had woken up in someone's bath after last night's do...

Return to the Field Day Homepage

Go to the main YFC news, video and photo page

OK, guys, you've got to use your imagination on this one - but, albeit from behind, albeit from a distance, here he is. Our pet celebrity, Will Self. Sad to say, he wasn't reading Farmers Weekly.

We've got to Blackpool and am rather worried. We haven't seen a single Young Farmer. Not one. It's not Torquay this year, is it?

Return to YFC news, photos and video page.

Isabel writes:

We're on the same train as columnist and author Will Self.

Just working out how to get a picture of him...

Return to the Field Day homepage

Visit the main YFC news, photos and video page

We successfully managed to catch our train from Euston - the first half of our two-leg journey to the YFC agm at Blackpool.

Sadly, due to a technical fault we've just been chucked off the train at Bletchley. And the next train is over an hour away...

Return to the Field Day homepage
For our YFC news, photos and video page

So, my first time at the Young Farmers convention. I don't know what to expect. Tim has briefed me saying that I can expect lots of drunken behaviour, nudity and some craziness and that's just the Farmers Weekly team.

As I type, Caroline is panicking as it seems she's not got her train ticket. Good thing is she's laughing but I think it's gonna be tears soon. Hopefully I won't see that as I think she's gonna get chucked off in a minute.

WAIT! I think she's found it. Just as the police were boarding looking for illegal immigrants she found her ticket. The moment is pictured below.

Live blogging at its best. (She's gonna kill me)

Tim writes:

I should have known better.

Stupidly, I put my mobile number on the Farmers Weekly website yesterday - and suggested that anyone who had a story in Blackpool could contact me.

There was a message on my phone this morning, left late last night. It didn't make a lot of sense. I suspect alcohol may have been involved...

Return to the Field Day homepage

Go the YFC news, photos and video page.

Isabel writes:

Tim is letting me gatecrash his blog for a few days so we can share our experiences of the YFC agm in Blackpool.

I feel like a veteran having attended a couple there when I was young enough to be a YFC member (don't worry I'm only 33 which isn't THAT old). I seem to recall people cleaning their teeth with beer at 9am and some people having very complicated arrangements for hotel rooms which were all based around the premise that they would pull (the ones that planned the most, never did!)

I'm getting organised this afternoon for my trip to Blackpool tomorrow. My life will be entirely Young Farmer-orientated for the next few days.

If you're interested in YFC stuff, there'll be plenty for you on Field Day between now and Sunday. And even if you're not, it might be worth coming back specifically to hear about their (our!) antics.

Faisal (the 'convention virgin') has set up a special web page where you can find more photos from the weekend.

I've got a horrible feeling the other five members of my Blackpool crew are going to start posting on this blog soon. So be warned. On the subject of which, photographer Jonathan (the old one!) is polishing his lens right now. And no, that isn't a Carry On-style double entendre...

Along with bees, wasps, men with American-sounding names like Brad and Chas, something else I've never trusted are dragonflies.

Strange, really, because I can appreciate they're beautiful to look at - but they make me distinctly nervous.

I was interested in this news, then, that a big new survey is being launched, amid fears that they're under threat.

Suppose counting them might make a change from the birds, bees and the wildcats.