December 2008 Archives

Lest you think I've got too soft and cuddly after that business with the waterskiing squirrels, the chicken on horseback and the giant Christmas pudding, here's some proper boys stuff.

Tractors. Big tractors. And lots of them. 

This is why Field Day is (almost) a winning blog. Because where else could you get a photo of a cow doing something this unsavoury to a cat?

Thanks to Janice McAulay who sent it in to the Farmers Weekly photo competition - it won the humour category.

I don't normally enter competitions. That way, you can stand on the sidelines, snipe about the people who do, gripe about the rules and tell yourself you would have won had you entered.

I broke the habit of a lifetime recently and went in for a blogging competition. It was run by Farmers Weekly's parent company, RBI, which has well over 100 blogs. And, guess what, I didn't win.

That said, I was made up to get the runners-up spot. Field Day obviously is doing something right, so please carry on giving me feedback in 2009 about what you'd like to see more of and what you'd like to see less of.

This is the blog that beat me. I don't understand a lot of it - but I'm sure it's fantastic.

Seriously, though, well done Mr Ostrower. I never knew there was so much to say about planes!

Hot on the heels of its breaking news about waterskiing squirrels and chickens on horseback, the BBC is now investigating a conifer pruned into the shape of a Christmas pudding.

I'll post the six winners of the FW Photography competition on Monday but just to show you the standard, here's the winner of the livestock category. It came from Ben Kerley of Swavesey in Cambridgeshire.

See more of the entries here.

Just in case you thought I was being a little trivial today with the chicken sleeps on horse story - well, that was just a warm-up.

Because here we have a water-skiing squirrel.

I particularly like the way it says the woman's been training them since 1978. That's 30 years. Children have been born and grown up in that time. Nations have fought wars, fallen and re-built themselves. Populations have prospered, starved. The ice caps have melted away. And she has taught squirrels to waterski.

I showed the video to my squirrel-hating friend Robert. He tutted and walked off.

After yesterday's snowy livestock scene, today's Christmas card is this lovely shot of winter sun on big straw bales.

The photo was taken by Andrew Clune, who's agricultural adviser at the Royal Bath and West of England Society.

...from the Photography competition. This one from Stephanie Powell of Llanfapley in Monmouthshire.

See more of the entries here.

A man rung me up earlier. He was worried.

He'd promised to cook his wife a recipe that appeared in Farmers Weekly a while back for Christmas lunch, but had lost his copy. All, he said, would not be well in his household on Christmas Day if he didn't deliver. He'd promised.

I tracked aforementioned recipe down and have just put it in the post to him. I felt a little bloom of satisfaction as I did it. I like to think I have spread a little seasonal cheer. Let it never be said I'm grumpy and don't enter the spirit of Christmas.

Let's not get lulled into a false sense of security here. Images of turkeys cavorting on a beach in an advert might lead you to believe they're friendly, kind creatures.

Not so. They're horrible things. They even attack police in America.

They've only got one redeeming feature. 2 hours and 20 minutes at 190 degrees.

Lots of good turkey cooking related stuff here, incidentally.

This is today's nice Christmas card. The painting is called Winter Feeding and it's by Joseph Denovan Adam (1842-1896).

After that recent discussion on mangel wurzels (that's not something you find yourself saying very often), I did wonder whether they're mangel wurzels the animals are eating.

There's a festive food quiz over on The Times.

Be warned, it's quite hard. Or maybe I'm just stupid.

Between all the bile and the bitterness and the hypocrisy, the Daily Mail does occasionally carry an interesting story.

Like the cat with contact lenses.

This will be my last post on Christmas ads with a food and farming theme (I promise!) but someone's just mentioned this one to me - an ad for The Black Grouse whisky. Never drink whisky, but quite like the ad...

Not giving anything away here, because I was only one of the judges in the Farmers Weekly Photography Competition so my view didn't always necessarily prevail and we've been sworn to secrecy until the winners are announced on Friday.

But I just wanted to share this picture which I adore with you. It was sent in by Jim Wilson of Duns in Berwickshire.

It's that time of year. Each day brings nice cards, nasty cards and some downright pointless ones.

This one is a nice one.

Never heard this chat-up line before: You're as lesh a pig trough.

It a piece of local dialect which can mean 'You're atractive', according to farmer Philip Holland who's been studying the topic.

Reminded me of the Norfolk road sign.

You can always rely on the Telegraph for some fabulous wildlife pictures.

I've never been keen on snakes and this photo certainly hasn't changed my mind. 

Another day, another bit of veg art from Mr Naylor.

I rather like this one. It's a take on Edvard Munch's The Scream.

The one pictured left is the original. Obviously. Click here to see the homage to it (I'm dead posh, me, I know what that word means!)

It might not have the ahh-factor that the Waitrose food advert does, but one Christmas ad that makes me chuckle is the National Lottery one featuring the turkey that gets the 11th-hour reprieve.

If you can't wait until it next appears on TV, it's about two minutes into this montage of Christmas adverts that someone's put on YouTube (some people really should get out more, shouldn't they!)

Magnificent creatures, indisputably, but do we want them? A row is raging over sea eagles.

Like I say, you learn something every day.

It might be that bread can be worth £15 a loaf or that potatoes can be purple.

But today it's this: that the man who invented dieseal was called Rudolph Diesel. Don't know why, but I find that quite interesting...

I suppose this is what comes of knowing people who make a living writing about farm machinery. In the same way that if you know people who write about poultry, you end up with a Frizzle cock...

Nearly 1000 people went to Essex Young Farmers Christmas Panto Snow White on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. 

The event was staged at Chelmsford County High School and all the cast and crew were Young Farmers in their teens and twenties.

As well as being a lot of fun, the event could raise about £10,000 for our 'Mission Possible' campaign to build a new headquarters for the County Federation near Chelmsford.

"Putting on the panto was a massive undertaking for Young Farmers but it all came together really well and everyone really enjoyed themselves," said Sam Metson, who played Dozy the Dwarf.

"There were some hilarious performances helped by the great audiences that attended every night."

Forget The X-Factor final this weekend, this is The Hatch Factor.

This new initiative in Devon, which aims to help reconnect kids with the food they eat, enables youngsters to hatch chicks in the classroom and have fun learning about the lifecycle of the birds as they watch them grow.

.... with a slurry spreader.

The farmer concerned was also reported to say: "I was going to write my whole name but as 'Jim' took three spreader's-ful of slurry I decided that would have to do."

"Some artists use brushes. I use a slurry tanker."

It's a fair point.

Enough turkey talk.

Here's a delicious recipe for goose from top chef Philippa Vine.

Here are couple of captions people have suggested for the President Bush/turkey picture:

"It's degrading having to talk to an animal with a brain the size of a pea....but it's not much better for President Bush, either." From Rob.

"First quayle, then turkey." From Jess.

Not that I imagine there's a huge assortment of them, but as far as President Bush with turkey pictures go, here's my all-time favourite.

That turkey looks almost as vicious as the peacock which got road rage.

Sounds like there's a bit of controversy surounding Countryfile, following the appointment of Julia Bradbury as one its new presenters.

It'll be interesting to learn what her views on farming are. I think she's a superb presenter though.

Suggestions for other captions gratefully received.

"Where is he, where's Osama bin Laden, you punk?"

... and while we're on the subject of turkeys, I wonder if this American farmer is still feeding his birds beer.

There's a turkey in Downing Street.

No, that isn't my view on politicians (despite the revelations about DEFRA furniture), but what's literally happened.

The bird was presented to the PM's wife Sarah Brown on behalf of the British Turkey Federation by Berkshire farmer Tom Copas of Copas Traditional Turkeys.

Mrs Brown is donating the 8kg turkey to the charity In-Deep, which helps lonely, elderly and low income people in Westminster.

She promised: "This turkey will feed around 28 people so it will go a long way towards helping less fortunate people have a happier Christmas."

The presentation of a British turkey to Downing Street dates back to the days when Winston Churchill was Prime Minister.

It wasn't clear whether the Prime Minister's wife sung the NFU turkey song.

She also omitted to mention whether Gordon preferred leg or breast.

I've been looking at photos today - hundreds of them.

I did the same yesterday and will again tomorrow and will be doing for a few days after that. 

The reason? I've been lucky enough to be one of the judges of the Farmers Weekly photography competition.

Judging anything, it strikes me, tends to follow a similar pattern: you look at a lot of something (it might be photos, poems, articles, kids pieces of art) and then, bang, one jumps out and simply demands your attention.

I know there'll be a handful of photos that I've looked at today that I'll still be thinking about tonight. They're the potential winners.

I'd love to share some of them with you right now, but the other judges will shout at me if I do before we've finished judging. Some of the entrants have uploaded their own submissions to a gallery on FWi - so you can get a flavour of them there.

It's that time of year, isn't. We're all about to start a prolonged bout of over-eating and over-drinking.

Some good news, though from the BBC. At least we shouldn't feel too guilty when we're tucking into the nuts. 

I think I might go and gorge two Topic bars, if that's the case.

I like Aldeburgh.

If I won the lottery the Suffolk town would be one of the places where I'd like to buy a house - along with somewhere in south Somerset, Clapham Junction, West Jesmond in Newcastle and rural Northumberland.

This house, once home to the crime writer Ruth Rendell, has come on the market in Aldeburgh.

Only one problem. £900,000.

I might have to kickstart my 'low offer' scheme again.

Britain's most expensive bread has gone on sale at Harrods, priced £15 a loaf.

The Roquefort cheese and almond sourdough costs ten times as much as ordinary bread.

Master baker Paul Hollywood, who created it, reckons it's the best he's ever made and has dubbed it "the Rolls-Royce of loafs."

A spokesman for the London shop said the product should appeal to shoppers looking for something special for their Christmas table. "At Harrods we are always on the lookout for exciting new products that are also of the best quality. At Harrods, we believe in catering for all tastes and price ranges."

Obviously the effects of the credit crunch are yet to reach the Knightsbridge store.

Forget the radish/mangel wurzel, what about this - a potentially record-breaking potato.

The world really has spun on its axis: Matthew Naylor is posting about veg art and I'm posting about potatoes.

After the turkey-based (based.... baste, geddit?) frivolity, something more serious. DEFRA.

Farmers have never been big fans of the governemnt department. And it's not hard to see why when you read stuff like this. I've just heard that they spent more than £1m on furniture removal contracts in just three years, according to a parliamentary question. That equates to £7365 a week.

"At a time when people are struggling to make ends meet it is astonishing that Defra is spending such vast amounts of money rearranging the furniture," said shadow environment secretary Peter Ainsworth.

"Ministers should focus a little less on where the tables and chairs go and a bit more on delivering a better environment."

The line about rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic springs to mind...

The NFU have put together a song to promote turkeys, based on the festive song The 12 Days of Christmas.

They provide some turkey-related lyrics on the website, enabling you to sing along (if you so wish) or you can listen to NFU staff in full voice.

I reckon it's quite funky. There again, when it comes to music it's the same as books, what do I know? I like Neil Diamond.

So, with some help from Field Day readers, we seem to have narrowed the mystery veg down to one of three things:

Nick reckons it's a variety of radish called a 'French Breakfast'. G Tull reckons it's a China Rose winter radish. Owd Fred reckons it's a mangel wurzel.

Meanwhile, I've given it back to the guy who brought it to me and he's taken it home. He's wary of eating it until he's 100% sure what it is, though...

Sheep are funny things.

Read this about them and say Aaarrhh!

Read this about them and say Uurrggh!

This is a nice tradition.

Cheesemakers from across the country donate some of their wares to Chelsea Pensioners at this time of year.

The Ceremony of Christmas Cheeses, hosted by The Dairy Council, took place at the Royal Hospital in Chelsea on Wednesday.

The tradition began in 1692 when the hospital asked a local cheesemonger to provide the pensioners with cheese as a Christmas treat.

The photo shows Bob Costley, aged 95 who served in the Royal Artillery, cut the ceremonial cheese with a sword.

"This is a very special Cheese Ceremony, as this year marks 90 years since the end of the First World War," he said. "I am honoured to cut the ceremonial cheese on behalf of my fellow veterans."

According to Barry Nicholls of The Dairy Council, it is "a wonderful and festive event, heaped in tradition and pageantry."

The veterans received a wonderful a selection of British cheeses - over 250kgs, in fact.

A new breed of super ant is coming. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Either that, or just pour boiling water over the little blighters!

OK, despite my earlier claims to the contrary, maybe I am in a bad mood today.

I've just received my first Christmas card from someone I don't know in an organisation that I'm only barely familiar with and which, frankly, I don't care about. Why do people do that - waste money and paper and time on horrible, meaningless 'corporate' Christmas cards?

Don't bother. Give the money to charity, or put it towards a better present for a relative, or go out and spend it getting drunk but, please, no more naff, meaningless cards.

Happy Christmas. 

Just in case you think I'm in a grumpy and cynical mood, having been less than charitable about Emma's Luck, I thought I ought to prove I'm not by being nice about someone.

These two pictures, which I adore, were taken this week by a photographer friend of mine, John Eveson. Makes you feel cold just looking at them, doesn't it?

This book has just arrived. I had a quick look at it. It made me laugh, for all the wrong reasons.

The publicity blurb says it's about Emma, who "lives alone in a big farmhouse with her animals for company: she talks to her chickens, cuddles up to her beloved pigs in the sty and caresses her cows."

One night, it goes on to explain, she is woken by a crash. "In her field, she finds a wrecked Ferrari and in it, an unconscious man - with an enormous amount of cash."

Is it me, or does this sound like it could have been written by an 11-year-old?

There again, what do I know? My books have hardly troubled JK Rowling for a spot on the bestseller list!

If anyone fancies it, shout, and it'll be in the post quicker than you can say: Trees were cut down for this!

I've been reading Mouth of the Wash a lot recently. Can't get enough of veg art and tattooed pigs, me.

I've also been struck by the uncanny similarity between Matthew Naylor and former England cricket captain, Graham Gooch. Now I come to think of it, I never have seen the two of them in the same room.

Naylor                                                              Gooch

Despite some evidence to the contrary, there are three things this blog is not:

1. A poetry blog.

2. A moose blog.

3. A tv advertisement review blog.

That said, I want to mention just one more tv ad that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck every time I see it. The Mastercard ad. Shame credit card companies are all sheisters! 

Still think the Country Life butter ad is the funniest one on tv at the moment.

There will be an unusual splash of colour in the sheep lines at the Royal Smithfield Christmas Fair in Somerset on Friday and Saturday (Dec 5-6). 

The Royal Agricultural Benevolent Institution will be exhibiting a pen of seven lifesize fibreglass sheep, each colourfully painted with a unique design.

Originated in the Forest of Dean, they are part of the SheepScape flock commissioned by Art in Rural Gloucestershire (AIRinG).  There's loads more info and pictures here.

Someone brought me this. A neighbour grew it in their garden. They're not sure what it is. They thought I might know. I don't.

A radish, was what immediately sprung to mind. But it's the biggest one I've ever seen if it is. Am I being stupid here... is it obvious? Help...

Watch Mystery veg in Entertainment Videos  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

I've mentioned Field Marshall before, the giant bullock. Well he's been in the news again, having tipped the scales at over 3500lbs. There's also a short video clip of him here.

I was a bit worried when I saw him in those pens that the poor old boy might be destined for meat pies - but apparently not. His owner said: "He likes me and I like him and I wouldn't want to break up that relationship by selling him."

Ah, bless...

The guys and gals at Harper have done their own naked 2009 calendar. It's called The Cream of the Crop and features students of the ag college in various locations and in various states of undress.

I've always thought pigeons are stupid.

But maybe I'm wrong. The very aptly-named John Shooter, National Pigeon and Pest Control adminster, reckons they're highly intelligent and can tell the diference between a gas gun and a shotgun. 

I still reckon if I was a pigeon I'd be scared stiff of gas guns. I mean, look at this one - it's like a ground-to-air missile.

I'm obviously a sucker for a good tv advertisment.

The one I'm particularly fond of at the moment - it gives me goosebumps - is the Waitrose Christmas food ad.

The Should have gone to Specsavers ad - which ends up with the farmer shearing his dog - makes me laugh.

Petty Officer Richard Byrne (second from left) is a senior lecturer at Harper Adams, but is currently serving in Helmand Province as a Royal Navy Reservist. He shares his experiences with Field Day readers.

October and November have been busy months for Helmand's farmers with the start of the 2008-2009 wheat programme.

This innovative project aims to provide support for farmers to move from poppy production to licit crop production.

The programme is a joint US-UK effort aiming to reach some 18,750 farmers in the Province who cultivate some 15,000 hectares of land.

This $4 million package aims to produce some 75,000 tonnes of wheat grain through the distribution of 1,875 tonnes of Roshan wheat seed and 5,600 tonnes of fertilizer.

Farmers will also receive advice from extension workers over the growing season.

The scheme, backed by the Helmand Governor Gulabuddin Mangal, has been greeted enthusiastically by farmers from all over the Province who have been making their way to the various distribution centres to collect their allocation over the last few weeks.

It is hoped that those taking part in the scheme will reap the benefit of the programme both financially and, by developing key skills, be able to continue growing wheat as a legitimate crop.

Additionally, the prospect of being able to move wheat surpluses to the north of the country where there is a dire need for flour is a positive move.

Those farmers that continue to grow poppy will face the Afghan Government's eradication team, backed up by the Afghan National Army, the Afghan National Police and ISAF forces.

As we move through November the weather is turning distinctly colder. Farmers are now busy finishing off the winter wheat planting and the last of the maize and cotton have been harvested.

Central Helmand is relatively mechanised with venerable old Massey Fergusons providing the mainstay. However, human power and donkeys still contribute a sizable portion of the farm power.

I've been doing my utmost to avoid I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

That said, a friend just alerted me to this clip, which I found hilarious. Timmy Mallett and that bloke off EastEnders having a go at sheep shearing.

The EastEnders guy was altogether non-plussed by the prospect. "I think someone might have happened to me as a kid with a farm animal," he moaned. Which made the mind boggle.

Timmy Mallett, however, enjoyed it so much he even kissed one at one point.

Life is strange.

More photos from those good sports in Essex - the stripping Young Farmers.

I love these. They're not cheap, but they're just fantastic - driftwood horses.

More about the woman who made them in the Mail and, of course, on her own website.