9 farmer frustrations with the ‘townies’ next door

Ahh, country living – you can’t beat it. The birds, the trees, the fresh air and the cuddly animals.

No wonder so many city-slickers fancy a slice of the good life.

First, they got a warm, gooey feeling while watching Countryfile or Escape to the Country.

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Then they blitzed the online property searches for cute, rural cottages and swapped their swanky townhouse for a charming period home surrounded by a few acres.

Now they’re your neighbour and they’ve got a few small observations they’d like you to take onboard. Brace yourselves…

1. Countryside strolls aren’t what they thought. Their beloved pet Labradoodle is getting muddy and they want you to sweep and wash the road.
2. Come to think of it, they’re having to wash their car far more frequently, too. And they thought swapping the car for an Audi Q7 would mean they didn’t have this trouble. Hmm…
3. The noise from the parlour at 5am is waking them up – and the bleeper on the JCB is driving them nuts, too. Any chance you could start at a “sensible” time, say 9am, they ask.
4. While we’re on the subject of noise, your cattle do moo a lot when they’re brought in for winter. It’s pretty distracting when working from home, so could you get your bellowing bovines to quieten down a bit?
5. They complain about the smell all the time. They thought fresh country air would smell just like Febreeze.
6. But you walk your dogs in the field off the lead, so why can’t they? Fenton is only “playing” with the sheep, he’d never do any harm.
7. Trespass? What’s that? They thought they were free to roam all over your land. And the gate actually needs closing? Gosh, what a burden. The park was quite literally a walk in the park.
8. The fence that marks the boundary between your land and their pony paddock is a bit ugly and held together with tatty orange string in places. Have you ever thought of installing some of that lovely metal parkland fencing they saw on the local estate?
9. Shearing or TB testing in the yard is the perfect entertainment for the kids on school holiday. But would you please mind your language when little Anouska and Spencer are nosing at your activities through the gate?