Will’s World: The sledgehammer, the shrapnel and the survey
© Lee Boswell Photography Continuing my long-standing series of unexpected comedy accidents, I’ve had another one, and I’m feeling very sorry for myself as I sit here typing with one hand.
To cut a long story short, I was banging a cultivator point on with a sledgehammer, and a piece came off it with such force that it shot up through my bicep and settled somewhere deep in my upper arm.
See also: Strip-till cultivator brings big maize establishment savings
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“Gosh darn it,” I exclaimed as blood poured down me like a stuck pig.
After a long day in hospital, they decided to leave the piece of metal where it is for now as there’s a risk of permanent muscle damage if they try to cut it out, as well as it being close to a major artery.
Hopefully a course of strong antibiotics will stop it getting infected and I won’t set off any security alarms the next time I’m in an airport. No rubber glove jokes, please.
Perks of the job
If I worked for a private company I’d probably be looking at a few weeks off with my feet up recovering, and if I worked in the public sector I’d be at home for at least a year and suing my employer for work-induced stress.
But as an ever-so-heroic self-employed farmer, I don’t have those options.
Also, the present Mrs Evans works from home, and there’s not a chance she’d put up with me moping around the house, disturbing her routine and making the place look untidy.
Still, I am hiding away in the farm office for a few days to let the inflammation die down, and it’s good to get a bit of time to catch up on the seemingly endless admin that’s involved with running a small business these days.
I’ve just filled in about 57 insurance forms for a minor bump on a tractor rear fender and mudguard.
If I was a more cynical man, I’d almost suspect that they make these things as difficult and long-winded as possible so that people give up with exhaustion halfway through the process.
Poll position
After a few hours of paying invoices, battling red tape, swearing at my arch-nemesis the printer, and generally climbing the walls, I decided I’d take a break to catch up with the week’s farming press.
In news as groundbreaking as “Pope found to be Catholic”, “Bears defecate in woods”, and “Welsh rugby team loses again”, I was wryly amused to read about a recent poll finding that Labour’s standing among the farming community is at an all-time low.
Not a single farmer in the UK now plans to vote for them at the next election (due in 2029), according to the sensationalist headline.
Turns out it was a CLA survey of 500 of their members. Hardly a hotbed of fire-breathing, red flag-waving socialists at the best of times, let alone representative of the entire farming sector, but still, they’ve made their point.
And while I don’t imagine the Labour front bench will be shaking in their shoes about it (they’ve been rather preoccupied with their own taxing issues lately, bless them), perhaps their contingent of relatively new rural MPs, as well as the new Defra minister, Emma Reynolds, will have paid slightly more attention.
If you are reading this, Ms Reynolds, you’re very welcome to come along for a farm visit and kitchen table chat, if you can stand the noise, chaos, and me whingeing about my arm hurting.
It would make a refreshing change to have a minister who engages with ordinary working farmers and listens to our concerns.
The kettle’s always on.