22 June 2001


Weve all done it, havent

we? Put our foot in it on

the first day of a new job.

Tim Relf outlines what NOT

to say on day one if youre

starting a new job in farming

or the land-based industries

1 "Which ones the gearstick?"

2 "Which ones the tractor?"

3 "Would love to do it, but Ive got sensitive hands."

4 "There was no time to stop – your dog just ran out in front of me."

5 "Your wheats really behind."

6 "Boys land!"

7 "Youre living in the Stone Age."

8 "Sorry, five oclock, got to run…"

9 "Whats that funny smell?"

10 "It was a doddle fiddling the timesheets at my last place."

11 "That wall looked as if it was about to fall down anyway."

12 "So did that barn!"

13 "Course, its really your job I want."

14 "Never believe what you read on a CV!"

15 "I didnt realise I needed a driving licence."

16 "Farmer? The ad at the job centre said framer."

17 "Can I have next week off?"

18 "We did a case study on someone like you at college."

19 "I know not many relief milkers are allergic to cows, but…"

20 "Ive made a bit of a mess in the toilet, Im afraid…"

21 "My lecturer said I should get a job on a small, poorly-managed farm so I could really make a difference."

22 "If I was you, Id just sell up."

23 "Well no-one told me shes your wife."

24 "Your mother? I thought she was the cleaner and gave her a good ticking off!"

25 "Its all very different to Parkhurst…"

See more