Red diesel now just for Labour-voting farmers, Starmer says

Only farmers who vote Labour at the next election will retain access to red diesel, prime minister Keir Starmer has announced.

The move, intended to reward party loyalists and help manage impending fuel shortages, will take effect from 8 May, the day after voters cast their ballots in Wales, Scotland and England for national and local elections.

“Red is the colour of the Labour Party and we simply cannot share this precious fuel with farmers affiliated with the colours green, orange, or any type of blue apart from AdBlue,” the prime minister said at a briefing on 1 April where he was joined by energy secretary Red Miliband.

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“No red in your tank unless you keep the red flag flying here,” he added.

Farmers will be required to fax a copy of their completed ballot paper to their regional party apparatchik for a compliance check before receiving approval from the newly formed Fuel And Rebates Classification Exchange.

Once authorised, fuel will then be delivered in seven to 10 weeks.

The astounding news was met with calm from the National Farmers Union president Tom Bradshaw.

“While this is clearly an attack on the very foundations of democracy and freedom that our forefathers fought for in two world wars and one world cup, what is important for farmers at this time is that the NFU stays in the room,” he said.

“Ministers have been very clear that the ballot purity test is non-negotiable, but I’m hoping we can win a concession that brings down delivery times to six weeks or less.”