TALKING POINT

1 September 2000

TALKING POINT

Nick Brown,

sympathetic

to farmers? You must

be joking, says

Neil Datson

THERE is a police interrogation routine, so old as to be positively geriatric, known as Mutt and Jeff. Mutt, the hard copper, has first go. His approach is to rough the suspect over, one trusts only verbally in Britain today, but physically in less happy countries and ages.

Then Jeff steps in. "Have a ciggy, mate. Can I get you a cup of tea? That Mutt, hes a mean sort, and frankly we dont like him here at the station. Perhaps youd like to have a chat with me before he comes back." And so the suspect confesses.

Dr Jack Cunningham was, with farmers, possibly the most unpopular farm minister there has been. He certainly did not court farmers good opinions, bringing a sort of bullying arrogance to the job. It is rumoured that privately he admitted that his aim was to cut the number of farmers in the country. And that although he was not going to say as much in public, he did not care who knew it. So the farmers disliked Dr Cunningham, they had reason to dislike him, and he was content to be disliked. What a relief when he was replaced by that nice Nick Brown.

Listening Nick. Sympathetic Nick. Generous Nick? Well, hed like to be wouldnt he? Helpful Nick? Yes, of course, we all know that he wants to help, but his hands are tied by the Treasury, arent they?

It is remarkable, in a supposedly scientific age, when people dont believe in unicorns and other mythological beasts, that so many believe the most improbable nonsense, such as that Nick Brown is on the farmers side.

The reality is that in terms of what is important, policy, you cannot put the proverbial cigarette paper between Dr Cunningham and Mr Brown. They have followed the same agenda, which is to slim down the industry and make it less of a distraction to the government. The idea that Nick Brown goes into Cabinet meetings fighting to be allowed to help farming is laughable. As it relates to farming his job is to cover the Prime Ministers flank, and he does that by fielding criticism and making sympathetic noises. As Ben Gill said: "His major achievement … is his ability to talk and listen. If we hadnt had this approach then feelings about the government would be considerably worse than they are in rural society …" (News, July 28). How apt. We have a minister who will "talk and listen" in the key task of keeping the government popular – and he will do it until the cows never come home again.

For those who believe that he actually wants to help farmers another, equally perverse, belief is essential – that he is monumentally incompetent. He plainly has not helped farmers, but he has dressed up a few scarps as a great feast.

Just look at his finest hour. In order to defuse the NFU march that was planned for the Labour Party conference in September last year, he announced a new aid package, worth £537m. When dissected, the package was found to comprise previously agreed agrimonetary compensation and the postponement of some planned additional charges. The only new money was £1m for marketing. £1m of cash and £536m of spin was quite a performance, even by the standards of the current government.

I do not believe that Nick Brown is incompetent, rather that he is doing precisely the job that his boss requires of him, and doing it very well indeed. My verdict could not be more generous – he is a fine politician.

It is remarkable, in a supposedly scientific age, when people dont believe in unicorns and other mythological beasts, that so many believe the most improbable nonsense, such as that Nick Brown is

on the farmers

side.