The Black Sheep – September 2006
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29 September
The name’s Bond
TR: Talking of movies, what’s the Flock’s view on Daniel Craig as the new Bond?
I reckon a big thumbs-up, but it seems I’m in the minority on this side of the office. Mr Designer and Mr Art Editor say No, as does Miss Senior Sub (she can be seen looking angrily at her watch on page 38 of this week’s FW).
28 September
It’s not just sheep that are dangerous
TR: Now that’s one film I am looking forward to watching. It’s not only livestock that can be dangerous though, it seems. Vegetables can be, too. I was reading recently an article on the website of Metro (a daily London newspaper) about a woman who attacked people with sticks of rhubarb.
According to the paper, she “caused mayhem in a quiet village by attacking people” with this humble veg and even ended up in jail after breaking her ASBO.
Her victims, apparently, included a farmer whom she labelled a ‘cat killer’. So watch out…
28 September
Killer mutant sheep alert!
SC: After wading through the countless complaints from disgruntled beanpole enthusiasts from Ipswich, the FW office has come across a film event that is potentially the bigest thing since Star Wars went all prequel on us.
When you think of films about mutant creatures wiping out the human race, you think of Independence Day, or for the more select of you, Attack of the Killer Refridgerator [It exists, see IMDB]. But never,ever, in the history of cinema, has there been a film about mutant killer sheep that threaten to wipeout humanity [or at least New Zealand].
The aptly named ‘Black Sheep’, directed by first-time director Jonathan King, will be released in New Zealand next year, and hopefully grace the UK soon after that. As our pics below show, it really gives a new insight into sheep farming in New Zealand….
27 September
More invitations
TR: Count your blessings.
We once covered
Enough said!
22 September
Invitations
SC:After using the English-pirate translator in every possible farming scenario (you try and make Case IH mid-range tractor sound anything like a pirate), the office is absolutely buzzing with a special invite to an extremely exclusive event.
An official gold-leafed envelope (it may have just been a normal envolope but go with the scene) was left in our in mail tray. In great expectation I began opening it, sure in my belief that it was a invite to accompany Nicole Kidman to the Oscars(only later did someone tell me that Nicole Kidman is married and the Oscars are next year!!).
Beads of sweat were trickling on my forehead as I began to read:
This is an official invitation to you and your company to participate at the first International Mini Technologies Exhibition and Sale of Agricultural equipment which will take place in Tashkent, Uzbekistan…
We may be gone a while.
20 September
Shiver me timbers
We’re a bit miffed in the office that yesterday’s International Talk Like A Pirate Day passed us by without causing too much of a stir.
This seems like a wasted opportunity to me.
I had several meetings that could’ve been livened up immensely by the injection of a few “Avast ye, ya lousy land lubber!” comments.
For those of you still keen to sample the delights of pirate talk – check out the English-Pirate translator.
Mr Web Assistant was keen to test the translator’s mettle with the line:
“I am a little bit worried about today’s existential drift into apathy”
Which is cunningly translated in Pirate as:
“Ahoy, me am a little bit worried about today’s existential drift int’ apathy A pence for an old man o’de sea?”
While Miss News is contemplating running a story in this week’s issue entitled:
“Ahoy, when will Me be paid my Sin’le Farm Payment? Gar.”
18 September
Captain’s log
One paddle steamer, a gaggle of pubs, embarrassing podium dancing, a cab ride from hell and a trip to A&E later, here are the photos from our Farmers Weekly Boat Party last week:
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All aboard! |
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Thar she blows! |
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Gathered on the Poop Deck |
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Aye aye Cap’n! |
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Back, you scurvy dogs! |
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Blistering barnacles! |
13 September
Ahoy!
TR: Excitement is reaching fever pitch in FW towers ahead of tomorrow night’s work jolly – a boat trip on the Thames. We’ve hired The Yarmouth Belle which is a traditional English-style side-wheeled steamer originally built in 1832. Such nautical details aren’t, however, the number one concern of all the team, though. As one remarked today: Who cares about the boat, is it a subsidised bar?
12 September
The world’s noisiest tractor
It’s holiday snaps time again.
Having just returned from the delights of rural Umbria, I thought it only fair to give The Flock what they want – ie. random pictures of foreign tractors.
This little beaut below has to be the world’s noisiest tractor.
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Italian farmers’ reputation for hard graft came under question |
No matter where Senor Farmer was working in the valley, the trademark clank clank clank of his Fiat Allis could be heard.
God knows what it must have been like for the poor driver.
Our machinery team reliably inform me that it’s the sprockets on the tracks that make the constant racket.
Agriculture in the region consisted mainly of sunflowers, logging up in the hills and, surprisingly, tobacco.
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Chelsea Flower Show had seen better days |
8 September
Spud-U-Like …
TR: Maybe we’re onto a winner here. There must be a demand to fill from people who want to buy one large potato to make a jacket-potato with, and a couple of small ones to boil or mash. Or maybe I’ve just got to get out more…
Speaking of getting out, I can’t wait for our ghost hunt. The prospect of spending some time in a haunted farmhouse is exciting and, I must admit, a little terrifying. I reckon Farmers Weekly Towers might be haunted – my stapler is forever disappearing off my desk!
8 September
Shaped almost exactly like a thingy …
Can’t believe we’ve gone all this time on The Black Sheep without an “amusingly-shaped vegetable” post.
Mr Farmlife is obviously a big fan of such things as he was at pains to point out that the one below is appearing in the Arable section of the magazine next week.
Nikki mania
Our exclusive snaps of Big Brother’s Nikki Grahame seem to have attracted a large dose of non-farmers to FWi.
Our stats show the story received more visitors in one afternoon than most get in a month.
Judging from the site traffic, over half of that was being referred from the forums on Digital Spy (a reality TV fan site), where someone had posted up a link to our pics. Very nice of them.
7 September
Things that go flush in the night …
We’re getting some good responses to our search for Britain’s most haunted farmhouse.
We seem to have touched a nerve with this paranormal thing.
One person’s emailed in complaining of experiencing “movements and even forceful pressure”.
Now if I were Farmer Frank I’m sure there’s a gag there about ghostly toilet habits.
Anyway – the timeline with the ghost thing is we’ll let all the entries trickle in and in the next couple of weeks pick a farm to investigate.
As soon as that’s done we’ll update you on where we’re off to for Halloween.