First I had to move fast to scotch rumours of my demise, now I find myself fighting to dispel another rumour - namely that I am a peeping tom.
Here's how it happened. This morning, Nutmeg disappeared. Not disappeared in the gone-for-three-weeks or catnapped-for-a-pair-of-gloves kind of way, admittedly, but just disappeared for longer than usual.
I went walkabout in the neighbourhood to find her, armed with a box of cat food. My search took me along an overgrown alley which runs between two rows of houses. Picture the scene. It's early morning. People in houses are going about their business, getting up, getting dressed. You can probably guess what happened next.
I wasn't thinking. I heard a familiar miaow. Couldn't quite see in the garden where it came from. Stepped up onto the bottom rung of a fence to peer over. A woman (in a dressing gown) peered back from her living room. A woman in a dressing gown, looking alarmed. It's understandable: she would have seen a man skulking in the foliage behind her house, looking in at her.
I reacted swiftly by holding aloft the box of cat food as if to say: Look, this isn't what you think, I'm here on legitimate business. I called out (in my most un-pervert-like voice): Here Nutmeg. Puss, puss, puss, come here Nutmeg. Come here, cat that I'm looking for in this alley.
The woman drew her curtains. The cat ran to me. We went home. The police haven't knocked.
Talking about cats, if you're not sick of me rambling on about them, you might be interested to know that Tom Cox (who wrote the hilarious Under The Paw) has kindly had me as a guest blogger on The Little Cat Diaries.