The Black Sheep – March 2005
Taking the milky
MT: Disaster has struck FWi Towers. We’re out of milk. There’s not even any in the canteen downstairs!! Unfortunately, the lack of caffeine is leading to unprecedented levels of unproductivity. Is this a sign of things to come? Is the fragile state of the dairy industry threatening to bring the country to its knees?
MT: Had my photo taken for a Farmlife feature this morning. Mr Farmlife tells me the Farm Women’s Club will be after me now, though I think they may just assume John Terry has made guest appearance in the mag.
Also a big day today as Mr Farmers Weekly is leaving after 15 years of editing The Establishment. There’s bound to be a cracking speech from him.
The King is dead. Long live the King, errr. .. Queen (aka Mrs Farmers Weekly)
Red faces
ID: Various people in FW Towers have decided to dress up to raise money for Comic Relief. The men in one department have even agreed to wear red lipstick all day as they work. Will anyone on FW’s staff follow suit?
IT madness
ID: It is a bit quieter in the office on a Thursday (press day being Wednesday), so I am taking a few minutes to clear out my e-mail inbox. My hand is being forced by our nameless/faceless ‘system administrator’ who sends me at least five reminders a day that my mailbox is over its size limit. I can’t help thinking that if I didn’t get so many of those messages, my system might not be as clogged up as it is. Looks like I will have to delete the 150+ DEFRA press releases currently in there. What a shame…
PS: Talking of madness, after my trip to glorious Newark for yesterday’s Precision Farming event, I still can’t belive it takes as long to get into central London from Sutton (all of about 15 miles) as it does to get from Kings Cross to Nottinghamshire.
Putting FW’s money where its mouth is
SF: Am busy lobbying the works canteen here at FW Towers for better, fresher grub. Have eaten one too many wax-encrusted, chalky, red apples with for my liking and am arguing the case for more British. Hopefully reason will prevail, and future elevenses snacks will come from no further away than Kent or Somerset. That way, they may still taste of something. Will keep you posted…
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| One to throw back … |
MT: I had the Thai-style fish cakes. A debate ensued over what type of fish had been lucky enough to become lunch. The conclusion was that the FW Towers canteen chef has discovered, battered and deep-fried a hitherto unclassified creature of the deep, notable for its grey, mush-like flesh and oiley, lingering flavour.
A site to behold
MT: Have started making progress on building a shiny new site just for you, our beloved users. Suggestions that the new site include a “Farmers’ wives” section were swiftly quashed by The Establishment.
There’s a moose loose about this hoose
MT: Paul, our brave Scandinavian news reporter, is down with Norwegian Moose Flu. A modern variant of the popular classic.
Colder than the moon
MT: Is Sutton the coldest place on this Earth? In fact The Flock feels the real debate is “is Sutton colder than the moon”?
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Turns out it’s not as stupid a question as you might think … Google says that our lunar friend enjoys balmy highs of 130°C during the days, but slightly bracing lows of -110°C during the nights. This gives us an average moon temp (we think!) of 10° C, roughly 5°C warmer than Sutton. So there you have it people! Some genuinely useless trivia with which to bore your beer buddys and no-doubt receive some abuse for, then be told to shut up or better still go home and never call or talk to them ever again.
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FWi Towers |
It’s snow joke
MT: With all the wind and snow pounding FWi Towers we’ve bravely nudged up the thermostat and are cupping our slightly pink hands around our skinny lattes.
Seriously though, there’s more weather out there than an undecided pronoun user.
However, I have issues with snow that doesn’t settle. Is it just here or is everyone else out sledging and pounding snow into their mates’ faces?
Embrace change
MT: Finally got to change the page of the company charity calendar. General concensus is that the change is for the best. The lovely (and semi-clad!) Jayne has the honour of seeing us thru to April.