Judging debut for Elizabeth Elder at Glendale Show

I judged the trade stands at Glendale Show for the first time this year. Whereas Jake is an old hand at these things, I had never judged anything in my life before – not officially anyway. So this was quite a big deal for me.

As a novice, I went into it with a certain amount of nervousness. However, it turned out that trade stands are a very good thing to judge, mainly because hardly anyone realises they are in a competition. So the winners are thrilled and the people who don’t win aren’t bothered and aren’t going to track you down afterwards to vent their fury. This contrasts with virtually every other category of competition at most shows.

This year there was particular controversy in the industrial section. A couple of celebrity chefs making a TV programme had put entries into the “fruit tart on Pyrex plate” competition. Unhappily for them, they were unaware of the unspoken but widely-observed Northumbrian convention on tarts. This demands that fruit tarts have a pastry lid. The chefs’ entries did not and therefore finished unplaced.

Naturally disappointed, the chefs tracked down the judge and asked for an explanation, on camera. A frank exchange of views followed, in which the judge said the chefs’ entries hadn’t won because they weren’t fruit tarts. The chefs asked if they weren’t fruit tarts, what were they? The judge opined that they were fruit flans. It was also intimated that this was a well-known fact.

I am relieved to report that no-one’s face ended up in the offending flans, although it must have been touch and go for a while. I gather that edited highlights may be seen on BBC2 in due course.

To be fair to the judge, all the other competitors had the same understanding of what was required. To be fair to the chefs, this really wasn’t spelt out clearly in the entry schedule. Perhaps there should be a supplementary list of instructions for people who are not from the area.

Being a judge at Glendale Show affords you all sorts of privileges such as a badge and lunch. But the part I was most looking forward to was being entertained in the secretary’s tent by Mr Jake Elder (Steward).

“Come on Pet, entertain me”, I said expectantly when I reported for duty. However, he restricted himself to offering me a drink, which I couldn’t have because I was the nominated driver.

My sister’s family seemed to have had a very successful day in the children’s classes at the show. In fact the only category they came a cropper in was the rock buns.

Rock buns always seem to feature in show baking competitions, but I wonder why as I don’t know anybody who likes them. They were promoted during the Second World War because they saved on eggs and sugar, but rationing ended nearly 60 years ago. Nowadays, why risk breaking your teeth on something that doesn’t taste particularly good anyway? Furthermore, I hardly need remind anyone that it was a “rock cake underneath the heart” which did for Ernie, the fastest milkman in the West.

The only positive thing I’ve ever heard about rock buns was from a farmer at this year’s show who said he didn’t mind having them in his packed lunch. This was because after a couple of hours sweating in a plastic box on the tractor, they do soften up a bit and can be quite palatable. A ringing endorsement.

On the home front, for some reason a large proportion of the electrical items in our house seem to have gone wrong in the last couple of weeks. However, I have been trying my best to avoid kick-starting the economy single-handed by carrying out my own repairs. This has involved the purchase of a type of screwdriver I never previously knew existed – the torx – and close study of several coaching videos on YouTube. There have been mixed results to date.

The dishwasher is now functioning normally and the washer will drain if you physically lift it and drop it a few times. However, the main fridge door has now given up the ghost completely, despite all efforts to save it. It is probably just as well that we have started selling lambs, as I fear an expensive autumn ahead.

We finally managed to complete the silage making in the first week of September – the latest date ever for us. This was unavoidable due to a combination of the mainly wet summer and the fact we use contractors rather than having our own equipment ready to go at the drop of a hat.

Since this is a very straight-talking area of the country, people have not demurred from telling me that this is really bad news because the silage is bound to be very poor quality and of negligible nutritional value. Jake maintains, however, that is a surprisingly good crop, which has turned out to be like haylage. So we will see who is right – the proof of the pudding being in the eating and all that.

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