Will’s World: Place your bets on a thin crop this election

Not sure which box to mark in the upcoming elections?

Here’s my ever-so-serious pin-stickers guide to the runners and riders, along with the odds of me voting for them.

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About the author

Will Evans

Farmers Weekly Opinion writer

Will Evans farms beef cattle and arable crops across 200ha near Wrexham in North Wales in partnership with his wife and parents.

Read more articles by Will Evans

Labour

I haven’t been so disappointed in a government since the last one. Like a study in how not to take people with you.

Seem to care about farmers and the nation’s food security even less than they care about vetting potential US ambassadors.

Here in Wales, they’ve been in power since the Jurassic, and looks like they’re heading for a similar fate to the dinosaurs.

You’ll never get anywhere with a leader who has all the charm and charisma of a wet tea towel.

Odds: 250/1

Reform

With their ranks now swollen by a gaggle of failed or disgraced ex-Tories, adding to a talent pool that was already shallower than a muddy puddle, they’re surely the ones to watch given the British public’s proclivity for voting in useless grifters.

Main strategies seem to be lots of flags, scrapping net zero, drilling for the eggcup-full of North Sea oil that’s left, and licking Donald Trump’s boots.

Average party member’s age is 96.

My landlord has one of their signs up, so I’m diametrically opposed.

Odds: 1/100,000

Plaid Cymru

Drove across rural North Wales last weekend and was surprised by the amount of their signs and banners I saw.

I’ve also seen a lot in the urban people’s republic of Wrexham.

It’s almost as if people in Wales are sick of being neglected by Westminster and the labour elites in Cardiff.

Lots from farming families among their ranks, which is probably why they’ve been so against inheritance tax. Not fully convinced by their independence stance, but I’m curious.

Odds: 6/1

Conservatives

Honestly not sure what they are these days.

Their standing has improved since all the right-wing lunatics among them jumped ship for Reform.

But they still look like the political equivalent of yesterday’s chip papers.

Need to drop all the culture war nonsense and get back to sensible conservatism and a credible economic plan to get Britain moving again.

Reports of their demise are greatly exaggerated – they might spend a few years in the wilderness, but they’ll be back.

Odds: 11/1

Liberal Democrats

Kemi Badenoch recently sneered that they’re “people who fix church roofs”.

What an odd thing to criticise a party for, though given the fact they campaign so vociferously on local issues, she’s probably right, for once.

Mightily impressed by many of their MPs, not least Tim Farron and Alastair Carmichael, on farming issues.

Still not certain some of their big policies stand up to scrutiny and can’t be arsed with Ed Davey clowning around for attention, but odds are shortening.

Odds: 8/1

Greens

The new puritans. Probably got plans to ban cars, flights, shooting, horse racing, fishing, farming and Christmas. Still, live and let live, yeah?

That being said, they’ll appeal to the youths who are probably a bit tired of angry old men shouting at each other and burning the planet just because they can.

Some interesting and appealing policy ideas and seem to be the only ones offering anything different from the status quo.

I know someone standing for them quite well, and he’s a thoroughly great bloke.

Odds: A surprising 12/1

SNP

I don’t know much about them, but whenever I mention them to Scottish farming friends they seem to go William Wallace levels of angry on me.

Which is ironic when you think about it.

John Swinney recently announced their government will cap everyday essential food prices, which sounds like unworkable nonsense to me.

Odds: N/A

Good luck everyone, we’ll need it.