How support helped the trauma of losing an eye
How support helped the trauma of losing an eye
Talking to a friend who had been through the experience
herself gave a Val Nicol the confidence necessary to
undergo major eye surgery. This Fife farmers wife tells her
own story which comes with an offer of support
SIXTEEN years ago, when I was training to be a nurse, I went through a car windscreen.
My eye was badly damaged – there was no lense or iris left. My eye was just a navy blue circle. Due to damage to the retina and scarring over the eye, I was virtually blind. For 10 years, it was problem-free, in fact, I liked that eye – it was unique. People would say "Youve got different coloured eyes!"
However it began to deteriorate six years ago when I was diagnosed with glaucoma. This was controlled with drops until last year when the pressure in my eye got so high that the front ruptured.
Although I knew that one day I probably would have to have my eye removed, it was a complete shock when the doctor said "Right, well take it out".
I walked out of the clinic and dissolved in tears.
I had about a week before I met the surgeon to think/worry about this, I went prepared with my list of questions. The operation was explained and I found that most of my questions had already been answered. I was told when, where and goodbye!
Driving home I felt sick – I think I was in shock. Everything had been decided, this was out of my control. Someone was going to take my eye out! I remember Dave, my husband talking: "Its the best thing to do, look at the pain you have…."
I wanted to shout "Shut Up!"
All these thoughts were going through my head, even one of running away. Go to the bank, down to the airport and off to Greece. What was I thinking of – married, two children, you just cant do that. I had to get a grip.
My emotions went up and down for the next few days. One minute I was fine, the next I was in tears. I felt no one seemed to realise how trau-matic it was to have your eye removed. It had been discussed as if it was your in-grown toenail.
It is the main feature of your face, on view to everyone. It is not something hidden under a baggy jersey.
During this period, because of the rupture, the cornea had ulcerated. My navy blue eye looked as though a cataract had grown over it. The white of my eye was like the inside of a tomato – there was a lot of pain.
Over the next week, I convinced myself that having it removed was the right thing to do but then the doubts started: "Im not sure about this. What is an implant? Whats it going to look like once its finished? I dont want this done!"
This operation was happening in two weeks time and I really wasnt happy about it.
I contacted my GP who said honestly that he didnt know enough about it to advise me. The surgeon was on holiday – hence the weeks I had to fret over my situation. I asked if there was a support group to talk to. I needed to speak to someone who had had this done.
I contacted Fiona, a nurse I was friendly with in the Eye Pavilion. She sent me the information I wanted about the operation. I read it carefully and began to feel a bit happier. (Up until then, Id actually changed my mind about having the operation). The eye had begun to settle down. It still looked like something out of The X files but I could live with that. I had also explained to Fiona that I wanted to see and speak to someone who had had this done.
A few days before my operation, Maureen came to see me. Amazingly, wed nursed together years ago. She had gone through this operation the previous year.
We sat and spoke for ages, she explained everything to me. She reassured me, she really put my mind at rest. When she left, I felt a great weight had been lifted.
After our meeting, my attitude became really positive. I knew it was the right thing to do. Previous to this, each morning Id wake and the first thought was the operation. It was like a dark cloud coming over and it more or less stayed all day.
Now, and this may sound weird, I was looking forward to it. I believe that going into hospital for any operation with a positive attitude plays a very important part in your recovery.
I havent gone into detail about the operation. The reason being that each person has a different pain threshold and needs. Each surgeon has different methods, therefore it would be unfair of me to promise that your experience will be the same as mine.
I had the operation, and went home the next day with a pressure dressing on. This remained intact for five days and sometimes it was very uncomfortable. When it was removed the eyelid was swollen and the surrounding area bruised. This settled down within a few days.
I was told to "carry on as normal" so, wearing dark glasses, I was back to work the next week. Six weeks later I was being fitted for my new eye.
I have my eye now and Im delighted with it. It not only looks good, it feels good, theres no pain, no inflammation, no more eye drops – I love it! Ive had my eye for about five weeks now and still cant walk past a mirror without having another look. Its given me such a boost!
My friends played a major part in helping me to come to terms with losing my eye. I am fortunate to know these girls who gave me the support when I needed it, but it has made me realise that other patients may not be that lucky.
Maureen and I decided to be on hand for people going through this traumatic experience. If you feel you need someone to speak to who has been through this, to reassure you, to meet or even just for a chat. Please call. My number is (01333-720227).
Val Nicol is a farmers wife from Fife who considered running away rather than facing surgery. But a chat with someone who had gone through the operation put her mind at rest and she is delighted with her new eye.