You’d never hear that at harvest…

FWi has been sent a collection of comments you’re unlikely to hear in the farmhouse at this time of year – but what would you add to the list?

Ali Whiteman from Cressage in Shropshire is a manager with the local council. She came up with this list of unlikely harvest time conversations, inspired by living with her partner who is a farmer:

• I’ve taken the chainsaw out of the kitchen.

• Oh, you’ve hoovered – I better take my boots off.

• I’ve fixed the broken toilet seat.

• Can you go to the local machinery dealer and get me a new hose for the tractor. No rush.

• I’ve just had a really good conversation with a group of 20 ramblers. They can’t understand why I have to burn a strip across the crop when there’s a perfectly good stone drive down the side. They’re going to write to Julia Bradbury about it.

• I think Elle MacPherson is overrated.

• I’ve decided to forego that new tractor – we’ll spend it on a kitchen extension instead.

• The police have been to take a statement about the break-in last January.

• I think this old jumper needs to go in the recycling.

• I’ve been speaking to DEFRA, they were really helpful.

• The weather looks good for a week or so, let’s forget the harvest and go away for a few days, I’ve always fancied glamping.

• I don’t know, all these shoes you’ve got, we must buy a larger shoe rack.

• I’ve just been speaking to the local machinery dealer – that part I need for the combine is an absolute bargain, I think I’ll order two.

• Yes, tell Sue and Roger that we’ll definitely be at their barbeque a week on Saturday.

• My overalls were really dusty so I’ve put them in the washing machine, remind me to hang them out – it’s a great drying day.

• Oh dear, it’s raining, never mind.

• Yes, by all means turn the TV over, it’s only the weather.

• I was going to combine the lower field tomorrow, but as it’s your birthday we’ll go out for the day instead.

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