The Black Sheep – April 2005
Impressive feature length
MT: The Flock, amongst others, were all in on a Features Writing Workshop this afternoon.
Holding court were Mr Farmlife, Mr Features and Mr Deputy Farmers Weekly.
Lessons learnt were: i) ginger hair is not a disability, ii) it’s imperative you earn the interviewee’s trust before airing sordid secrets in the mag, iii) winning is everything, iv) sandwiches cost more than you think.
Expect Farmlife articles to get a bit random in the near future.
ID: Other tips we picked up: i) Hanging around in lay-bys can be a good thing, ii) Nothing stirs the imagination more than an albatross.
Wish me luck
ID: I have a confession… Although I’ve spent the past six weeks writing stories about how important it is for farmers to get on with filling in their SFP forms, I haven’t started filling in mine (or more accurately my Dad’s) yet.
I’m going to have a go this weekend, armed with my back copies of FW, the RPA’s answers to Frequently Asked Questions and the phone number of a helpful contact. If I’m bad tempered when I post on Tuesday, you will know it went badly…
Flower power
MT: Does being interested in growing things directly detract from being fashionable? I’m sure you all agree that this is very much not the case. However yours truely encountered the stink of prejudice during the course of this afternoon’s banter.
The instigator was an innocent comment provoked by the changeable weather, wafting past the windows of FWi Tower:
“April showers bring May flowers”
And my punishment for uttering such diatribe? To be branded a sham – my TK Max fashions and designer George garments are apparently nothing but a cloak to disguise my real “sad” identity!!
I ask you! And that coming from the mouths of people who claim to support an industry of growers.
Walkie Torquay
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Paul today … |
PS: Wow, what a weekend down in Torquay! Needless to say – as I’m sure those of you who were there will appreciate – going back to work today has been a bit of a struggle! So many stories to report, but I’m not sure all are suitable for publication!
If anyone’s got any exciting reports from the AGM, let me know – if nothing else, it’ll give the rest of the Black Sheep something else to laugh at, besides the bags under my eyes!
MT: Paul looks rough.
MT: Tomorrow Paul returns from the YFC at Torquay. We await the stories with baited breath, and if he doesn’t have any then we’ll just make some up.
A black day for The Black Sheep
MT: Disaster struck at 8:30pm last night in the FWi local – the Rat and Breadcrumb.
The Big Quiz proved a humbling experience as The Flock crashed out in true Newcastle United style by finishing … 11th!!
The fallout is sending shockwaves through FWi Towers. Which heads should roll?
A polite but firm request has been sent out to each team member. They are “invited” to submit a paragraph defending their inclusion in the line-up, accompanied by proof of their correct/incorrect answer ratio, so that yours truly can make the harsh but fair decision of who to mercilessly drop like a broken toy.
The announcement will appear on The Black Sheep in due course.
Question time
MT: It’s the Big Quiz tonight. The Flock are the defending champions so we’ve been feeling the pressure. As their magnanimous team leader I’ve had them doing homework all week so we can retain our crown with aplomb.
But if our performance is as good as our team name (The Sheepdogs of War) then we’re laughing.
It‘s a dog‘s life
MT: A new hope for a new pope? Is “God‘s Rottweiler” actually “God‘s German Shepherd”? We‘re told that Pope Benedict XVI is opposed to innovation. I‘m curious – at what point is “progress” considered “unneccesary innovation”? Mankind must have got on okay for 50,000 years or so before the innovation of flushing toilets became widespread.
However, methinks Cardinal Ratzinger has issues with the specifics of papal innovation rather than novel bathroom ideas, and that – I am very sure – I am not qualified to pass judgment on.
Word games
ID: After a succession of calls from farmers complaining about the Rural Payments Agency I have decided to do some investigating. Did you know that an anagram of Rural Payments Agency is actually ‘A masterly repugnancy‘? Or that the Environment Agency becomes ‘Contravening enemy‘.
Got any more of your own? Contact any of the flock if you want to share them.
Gorillas in the fog
MT: Mr News is off to Leicestershire looking for big cats in a couple of weeks. Apparently, along with big cats, there are also wallabies, wild boar, scorpions and parrots living in colonies throughout the UK.
This got us thinking – what other animals might be able to hack it in the UK?
Definitely wolves and bears as they used to live here. Beaver (apparently they‘re talking about reintroducing it to Scotland). Mountain gorillas could made hill walking in the Brecons a bit more interesting. A few more years of climate change and Kent will be virtual sub-tropical so there‘s plenty of scope for warm-loving animals like hippo and giraffe. The possiblities are endless!
Picture this
ID: I keep telling my boss I am a model employee but now I really am! I am pictured in this week‘s issue of FW ‘showing off‘ the RPA‘s latest SFP booklets. How glamorous is that? Next stop Vogue.
MT: And very nice you look too. It‘s been noted that as you did a Farmlife pic a few weeks ago, and Page 6 this week, do we get to see you on Page 3 next week?
And they‘re off …
MT: Well, here we are. Alive and kicking. It‘s press day today, so News and Business are up to their necks in RPA Q&A, election pledges and other such hot topics.
Anyhow, welcome welcome one and all. For those of you new to blogs – they‘re a trendy new web thing that allows for a more informal journalistic medium in which to convey our opinions without the constraints of a magazine format.
Please feel free to contact any of the flock if you fancy adding to the thrilling topics we bounce around each day.
Quids in at Tesco
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Anacondas – not |